To the struggling mom who finds herself thinking, “this mom thing is way harder than I thought,” I’m right there with you.
I am having way more bad days than good ones lately and to be completely honest, I have some days where I wish I could just stop being a mom for a while.
This is not a post where I share all the answers about how to get through the bad days. (Although I do share some reminders at the end of this post that help me a little on those days.)
I wish I had those answers and I do believe they will come to me over time, but for now, I’m right smack in the middle of learning how to be a mom to a toddler and a baby and some days are just plain messy (in every sense of the word).
Nothing can prepare you for the complete rollercoaster ride of emotions that parenthood is.
I find myself praying for bedtime to come and then, when I realize how bad that sounds, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. I feel bad for not enjoying more of the time I did have with them that day.
I knew that two kids would be harder than one, but I underestimated it. Personally, I’m still struggling to find a good balance to all of this.
Before you become a parent, you hear other moms and dads talk about things like not being able to go to the bathroom alone or always having a third party in their bed or having to constantly answer questions for a curious, growing mind.
It all sounds kind of funny – until you have kids yourself. Then, all those things can be incredibly overwhelming, and you can begin to lose your sense of self.
Before our second daughter was born, I thought I had the mom thing down perfectly. Me and my then two year old daughter had an awesome routine and we just clicked. She was easy, took long naps and wasn’t the kind of two year old that got into things. I was able to walk out of the room to get something done without having to worry about her getting into trouble.
Life was good. I had found the perfect balance of being a mom and still being me.
Now, I am not only in charge of her but also this little baby that needs a lot of my attention as well.
My days start early and then it all begins – a constant battle of trying to balance playing with them both, keeping up with everything in the house, cooking, washing bottles, making bottles, changing diapers and trying to time the baby and the toddler’s naps to be at the same time because that is the only time I get a small break.
Most of the time I am completely exhausted. I never thought my days would be full of telling someone to get their finger out of their nose (about a thousand times) or having the same fight at every meal about staying in their seat and eating their food, or by teaching another person how to go to the bathroom and how to wipe them self. By being asked over and over “What are you doing?” and “Can you play with me?” By cleaning up spills on floors I just cleaned. The list goes on…
Some days, just the noise alone can make me want to run and hide.
What I am realizing is that, for me, one of the hardest parts about motherhood is just how much everyone depends on me. As a mom, we have to be there for everyone all the time. There’s no days off and some of this just isn’t fun.
As hard and as tiring as it is, I also realize the day is full of a million other things that are amazing.
I love hearing my baby laugh and when she sticks those chubby little feet in her mouth. My heart feels like it’s going to burst when I see my toddler “read” a book to her baby sister. I love watching my toddler get excited and proud when she figures something out on her own. And absolutely nothing is better than when my older one says “I love you Mommy” for no apparent reason or gives me a huge hug out of nowhere.
I know that it isn’t healthy for me to continue the way I’ve been thinking. I need to stop getting stuck in the negativity and the frustration. I find myself wishing for the day when I don’t have to change diapers anymore, or the day that my toddler can dress herself, or the day where they just don’t need me 100% of the time. However, I know I can’t focus on what I am not getting done in the day or what my girls can’t do yet.
I have to make a change. I know it won’t be easy but I don’t want to look back on these days and be reminded of how angry and frustrated I always was. I don’t want to regret appreciating all the things that are also extremely awesome about this part of motherhood.
I want my girls to have memories of a mom who is positive and encouraging. I am FAR from perfect and I know that I will have bad days (lots of them, I’m sure) but it’s how I learn to handle those bad days that will make me a stronger person and a better mom and wife.
Going forward, these are the things that I want to try to practice daily:
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
I’ve heard these words a lot and read about how this simple phrase has helped other moms get through some of the bad times and I get why. At a time when I want to break down because I’ve had too much, I want to remember these words because I know it’s true. Everything eventually will pass and us mom’s are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
I WILL BE OKAY
There have been many times where I wonder if I can do this; if I can really get through all the hurdles of motherhood. In those early weeks after we had just brought our second baby home, I kept wondering if I had made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn’t have had a second baby? Maybe I wasn’t cut out to handle everything that having two kids throws at you? Deep down though, I know I am. I know that I will be okay.
CONSTANTLY PRACTICE GRATITUDE
This is something I used to consider myself pretty good at. I pray every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed and the first thing I pray about is how thankful I am for the people and the things I have in my life. I noticed, though, that I’ve been praying more out of habit instead of genuinely feeling that gratitude.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for, I really do. I don’t mean to sound incredibly negative here but I thought it was important to share how frustrated and overwhelmed we can feel as moms too. I’ve just been so caught up in the stress and the chaos of life with a baby and a toddler, that I’ve forgotten how much I really should appreciate what I have.
That’s why I vow to make these changes ASAP. I want nothing more than to give my girls all the love and positivity that they give me.
What helps you get through the bad days?
For another post with amazing advice and encouragement for those tough days, head over to this one from Clever Girl Finance. She has lots of great tips for what to do when you’re really struggling. <3
Thank you for writing this beautiful and truthful post. I read this today and felt like someone actually understood everything I feel day to day. I am a mom of 2 boys 13months apart. I felt as though you wrote this post just for me. It is so nice to know I am not alone in my feelings and I am inspired to start tomorrow with these new outlooks on my day. Thank you, thank you…I really needed this tonight. 😊
I am so glad to hear it helped! Thank you so so much for reading. I was a little nervous writing this but I knew I couldn’t be the only one feeling like this. Some days are just super hard! It’s taking a very conscious effort on my part to change my thinking but it really makes a difference when I stop and realize how much I have to be grateful for, even on the worst days. I wish you and your family all the best! You got this. 🙂
easiestI cry! Sometimes I give myself a time out. My “babies” are 15,12&9 years I hate it when people say bigger kids, bigger problems. It’s just different problems. Each child has dramatically different personalities. My two boys are so different that even teachers are shocked, and they’ve taught siblings before! Yep, I know it’s the same DNA, but it does seem hard to believe. Don’t get me wrong; I LOVE all my children from the bottom of my heart, but perhaps if I could just give one third of each one back…. LOL.
Lol! I know very much what you mean. I’m shocked more and more each day at how different two siblings can possibly be. I love them to pieces but sometimes, some days are just harder than others. I’m starting to realize it never really gets any easier. The problems are just different at each age, like you said. I know it’s all worth it though. 🙂
This post is truly a godsend that popped up through pinterest. I have a 2 year old and almost 1 year old and I feel defeated EVERYDAY; even if it’s just in one small way. We can go the entire day without a hitch and before you know it, I’ve lost my cool and yelled because both kids are pouring cups of water out of the bathtub as I’m getting their tooth brushes ready. I’ve been telling myself for over a year that I needed to change. I’ve constantly tried for three days now to follow similar goals; so believe me when I say that God sent your post my way this morning to reassure me that everything is going to be ok and that everyone goes through this at one poont.
I am so so glad this could help! It is so hard being a mom sometimes. I wish more people would talk about how tough it is so we don’t feel alone or guilty about the way we feel. I’m trying to follow those goals but man, it is incredibly hard. It takes a big conscious effort on my part. I don’t always feel like I am doing my best but you know what matters most, is that our kids are loved and have a safe place to call home. Wish you all the best!
I’m not alone! Thank you! I’ve been going thru a stretch of bad days with a 4yr old and 1yr old. I’m so tired. I will have to do better at practicing gratitude because I want my girls to have a happy mom. I will stand in front of the mirror if I have to “This too shall pass. I will be ok. … This too shall pass. I will be ok.” I saw this on pinterest. Thank you for the help!
Right, you are definitely not alone! Thank you for stopping by to read this. This mom thing is tough, tougher than I could have ever imagined. My hopes are that more people talk about how hard it can be so we don’t have to feel bad or guilty for having tough days. It is an overwhelming feeling sometimes knowing that these little people need us 24/7. I obviously wouldn’t change it for the world but reminding myself during the bad times that this will pass, has helped me tremendously. Wishing you all the best mama!
It got a lot easier for me when my second turned one. They are now 4 and 2(or will be next month) and I went and had another baby.. what was I thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is now 2 months old, I have all boys. Screaming, rambunctious boys haha. I am a stay at home mom doing online college. Its a struggle, but even now compared to a month ago is so much easier. I’m right there with you sometimes wishing it was just my oldest, or even before I kids when I could leave the house whenever I wanted, or eat more than once a day. But I imagine when we’re older and they’ve been out of the house for 10 years, we’ll be so happy when they bring home that little grandbaby so we can get those sweet little snuggles… and then give them back. lol <3
Oh my goodness! Three boys! My friend has three boys under five and I think that must be so tough! So much respect for you for doing online college at the same time. I’ve wanted to go back to school for a while but constantly second guess myself on whether or not I can handle it. Anyway, I think you are 100% right. These days right now are hard when they are little but I know this phase won’t last forever and one day I will miss it. All I can do right now is try my best to appreciate the small things as much as possible (no matter how hard that is). 🙂
Hi Meghan,
I came across your pin this morning and I just wanted to reply and say “Thank You.” I couldn’t have put it any better. I am a mother of a 5 month old and a 22 month old. There are definitely days when I long to have just 10 mins to myself? But I am often overwhelmed with the guilt of feeling as though I need to appreciate every moment and just be thankful. While I love my boys to pieces, I feel as though u have lost my sense of self. Anyway, without going into any more detail, I just wanted to reach out and let you know you are not alone. Thank you for posting this!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it! I’m glad it helped you realize you are not alone. I know what you mean – I feel like every post I ever read is about how grateful we should be for every second we have with our little ones cause the time is going to go fast. It makes me feel worse when I don’t always feel the same way on some days. I know that it’s all true and we should be grateful, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that we are human and some days are just HARD. And some days a trip to the bathroom alone is EVERYTHING. It’s so crazy how much our little ones rely on us but I know it’s not going to last forever and I really am trying to appreciate the small things throughout the day and remind myself that the tough moments (like my baby who is teething SO bad) will pass. Wishing you the best! We got this 🙂
I know all to well how you feel. Ive been there. My two are 21 months apart and it was tough. What helped me to tackle things without guilt: do only the necessary chores, clean only what can hurt the kids then go out exploring the world together: the park, zoo whatever you like that’s nearby. There will always be cleaning and chores. What’s the worst if it doesn’t get done? The kids don’t care about the mess they care about you. In no time at all they will be grown. Mine are 4 and 2.5 now with a 3rd on the way. The time flies and I still look forward to their bedtime so I can get a break. You’re a great mom, forgive yourself and find something special about each day.
On a side note. If you can have your eldest help with the chores like cleaning up small spills. She will be so happy to help.
You are not alone, you’ll get through this. And your love will only grow .
Thank you so much! That is amazing advice! Yes, my oldest one helps me so much. I am so blessed to have her as she entertains her sister and helps me as much as she can. I also need to remind myself of the other stuff – that the cleaning can wait because I do think that the experiences and time I spend with them are WAY more important than making sure everything little thing is perfectly cleaned. Thanks again and thank you so much for sharing your advice! 🙂
I swear you were in my mind and took every single thought I had. I always try to tell myself this too shall pass and that this is just temporary. In times that I want to scream and pull my hair out because my 3 year old cries out for me in the middle of the night, as sleep deprived as I am, I have to be thankful that she still wants me. And I try to tell myself “one day she won’t call out for you and when you try to go into her room, she’ll want you out.” Thank you for posting this and being real. I honestly thought I was the only mom with these thoughts. the mom guilt is real, but we are doing our best!!
Yes, the mom guilt can really mess with us! You sounds just like me! I try and remind myself all the time that one day my little ones won’t need me the way they do now and I will probably miss these days. But my baby is teething SO bad and lately, I want to run and hide. I’m just trying to take my own advice and remind myself that this too shall pass. Wishing you all the best mama and thank you so much for reading this and sharing your story!
It’s like I was meant to find this post today. After another long day of cleaning, cooking, and take care of my 15 month old I’m tired and have been in a slump. It’s hard to admit that I’m struggling with motherhood. I’m just glad I’m not alone with these feelings. At least things will get better, really appreciated your post!
I’m glad this could help! I was really hoping it would help other moms not feel alone when we aren’t having the best days. Being a mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I think right now when they are little and need us 24/7, it can be so overwhelming. I’m hoping though it gets a bit easier the older they get. I know it will always work out and that we are all awesome moms. Just because we have bad days where we are frustrated or want to throw in the towel doesn’t make us a bad mom. Wishing you all the best mama! And yes, things definitely do get better. 🙂
I really needed this today. It’s hard to never have a second to yourself and yet still feel so alone. I know every mom goes through this but it’s hard to feel that way when most people are afraid to share anything real in their lives. Thanks for sharing and I hope those bad days are getting fewer and farther between.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! It really is hard sometimes and I’m hoping by me sharing not just the good parts, but the bad parts might make all of us moms feel less alone. Thank you so much again and I hope your tough days are fewer and farther between as well. 🙂
Seriously just thank you. I have a boy and a girl 19 months apart (my girl is the raging toddler these days). And like I saw another mom say, I feel defeated every moment of every day. It’s literally 7 in the morning and I’ve already dealt with screaming, crying, and being told “no” several times. I’m over my day already. I’ve spent the past few days searching Pinterest and other sites for the “perfect” way to discipline and how to control Mommy tantrums. I’m exhausted and I literally read this article agreeing with every single word and nodding my head as if you were talking straight to me. Glad to know I’m not alone. You’re right, this too shall pass!
I have searched for those same kind of posts! Well, I’m glad I could help assure you that you aren’t alone. It can feel sooooo lonely, this mom thing sometimes- at least for me anyway. Some days are just really hard! Thank you so much for reading and also for sharing your story. In the meantime, we will just keep reminding ourselves that this too shall pass. 🙂
+1 here!….just going though depressione xactly because of this. We just had baby no.4 and Dad needs togo out to study all day.. We homeschool and all and I know they are all 4 blessing but dealing with toddlers and having a newborn is really demanding, I have been extremely angry and sad these days and your article deifnitely rang a bell. I just hope to find hope and joy again as life circulstances are also adding stress to the situation. I just wish I could be a better, kinder mom…I think indeed we lust take things one day at a time and surrender in action to God – it’s what Jesus Christ did and that’s ho he could handle being so kind and loving to mean people….surrendering his impulses to doing good…. Lots of courage to you all, it isn’t easy. Thanks for the article though..
Thank you so much! This post was a God send via Pinterest.
I really needed to read this tonight.
I’ve got two beautiful, strong willed baby girls who are 11 months apart… I remember being RIGHT where you are right now! Wondering ‘What in the world were we thinking?!’ Questioning whether or not I could handle 2 under 2.
They are now 4 and 5.
Where does the time go?! Some days are good, and some days are really bad but I’m beginning to learn that that… Is just motherhood…
One day at a time.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Also, thanks for sharing your experience. Your advice really helps me as well as far as just needing to accept that motherhood really is filled with both good and bad days and that’s just the way it is. I’m sure it gets easier as time goes by as well (I hope). 🙂 Well good luck to you, it sounds like you are doing amazing!
I am reading this and I am having the same problem. But I have a 20 year old, 14 year old and 11 year old. Believe me when I say it is easier when they are smaller.
I am actually at a point where I regret having kids. I know it sounds terrible, and I hate myself for saying it, but that is where I am at at the moment.
You just manage to get through the problems with the one, then the problems with the next one starts. And in between the two, the 3rd one just make sure that you don’t forget to about them.
Perhaps I need to go and see a psychologist. Or perhaps I am trying to hard. Or perhaps I am not trying hard enough
Being a parent in this day and age is much harder than I think it was for our parents.
Who (or what) do you think is to blame?
Ugh I am so so sorry to hear about how you are feeling. I feel the same way most days and I feel awful for wondering if I should have had my second baby (since she is the tough one). I already cried twice this morning and this is just the norm lately. I currently decided to see a psychiatrist because I couldn’t handle what I was feeling anymore. It was taking over every part of my day and my life. I’m still not sure how I feel about the medication but I 100% agree that it’s harder for us than it was for our parents. I just wrote a new post on being a “millennial mom” and I kind of talk about why I think we have it harder. I think a lot comes down to social media. That’s just my own opinion though. I wish I could help you more. You sound so much like me. Just know you aren’t alone. I feel like being a mom is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Feel free to email me anytime if you just need to talk to someone – I really don’t mind. ([email protected]). <3
Thank you for your article. I have 3 girls 6,3,2 and this mom thing os so much harder then it seemed it would be. Having one kid isnt so bad . I thought I was doing a awesome job but now i find myself thinking i chewed off more then i can take. Definitely feel like i need mental help some days. Im very blessed to have HEALTHY children and don’t want to feel ungrateful for what God has givin me. Thank you for your post
I have 3 boys-17,12,&7. I still can’t find a balance between being their mother and finding myself. Being a single mother, I’m sad and frustrated most days and it’s tough to get through. It brings some comfort to know other moms are feeling as I do. Hopefully, in time, things will get better for all of us!
Yes! That’s why I feel like it’s SO important for us to talk about the hard times just as much as the good times. We shouldn’t have to feel alone. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Being a single mom must be incredibly hard but I do believe things always get better. 🙂
Thank you for sharing! Great article!
I felt as if I written this myself because every single word I could relate to.
Some days are really hard but just remember, it always gets better. I hope this helped you feel less alone! <3 Meghan
I love what you are doing here! Thank you so much for helping us. I have a blog about helping moms and teens with depression and anxiety too if you ever want to check it out.
https://diaryofadepressedmom.com/
I really appreciate that, thank you! I will definitely check out your page! It sounds amazing. 🙂 -Meghan | Electric Mommy
I really appreciate this article. Thank you for being real with us. No one wants to talk about this stuff so sometimes I feel alone in it all. I am living 100% of this blog right now. Thank you for making me feel “normal” and not like a terrible mom.
Meghan,
This is a beautiful post of the reality of motherhood. My kids are 6, 5, 5, and 1 and a half. In the early days of having newborn twins (my son was 20 months when they were born) it was a blur. I had never had to answer “no” to my son as much as before that point. I think one of the hardest things is having to say “no” so often when you’re in the middle of desperately trying to finish the dishes, laundry, dinner, etc. It can sometimes make you feel like you’re trapped into being the bad guy. Anyway, keep reminding yourself that this too shall pass because, it does. I still go through spells of having more bad days than good but they are fewer and further between, now. Remind yourself that you are a good mom. You are the perfect mom for your children. <3
Thank you so much for sharing a part of your story. I appreciate your kind words so much. And you’re right! The bad days do get fewer and farther between. My daughters are now 6 and 9 and it’s gotten so much easier in some ways. This post is hard to go back and read but hopefully it reminds other moms that they aren’t the only ones struggling. <3