A LETTER TO MY FIRSTBORN
To the Little Girl Who Changed My Life,
In less than thirty days, it will no longer just be you, me and Daddy. We will welcome another beautiful baby girl into our family and I will get to watch you grow into the role of big sister. You will now have a forever friend, someone to make memories with that will last a lifetime, someone that will be there with you through all the ups and downs in life. I couldn’t be more excited for you to have a sister, just like I do.
However, with this excitement also comes a heavy feeling. In these last days before your sister arrives, I can’t help but think about how our time together of just the two of us is coming to an end.
I look back at the day I found out I was pregnant with you. The news came during a very dark time in my life. I know now that God gave you to me at that time for a reason. He knew you were what I needed. I felt unprepared and surprised, but also excited and happy to embark on this journey of parenthood with your father.
My pregnancy with you was easy. I never had morning sickness, never felt those crazy hormonal mood swings you hear about, didn’t feel tired, nothing. Instead, I felt a sense of peace when I was pregnant with you. My mind, which is normally swirling with thoughts of worry and anxiety, felt calm. From the time you were just beginning to grow in my tummy, you were already helping to shape me into the best version of myself.
Nothing could prepare me for the emotions I felt when I first saw you. It was by far the best day of my life.
I knew that I was ready, ready to be your Mom and ready to give you all of me.
Soon, you will turn three years old. You always hear people say how fast time goes but you really can’t understand what that means until you have children. It scares me. I want time to slow down, I want it to be just us two for a little bit longer, I want to protect you from the world just a little bit longer. However, I know that is selfish of me. You were meant to fly and I never want to be the one who holds you back. Instead, I will be here to encourage you, challenge you and support you always.
These three years have been the best years of my life. You have taught me more than you could ever know, more than I ever thought possible. You are my angel. You are the kindest, smartest and most patient toddler I have met. Thanks to you, your dad and I never went through what most parents go through – you never threw a fit in public, you very rarely have tantrums, you seem to have an endless amount of patience and kindness and you listen to us. You never put things in your mouth, never reached for unsafe items – you seem to just KNOW things and you continue to amaze me every single day.
Today, I watch as you grow into an independent and confident little girl. You are starting to need my help less and less. You are social and love people and have started to ask when you will be able to go to school. While I can’t wait to see what your future holds and to see the woman you will become, I also just want these last few days alone with you to slow down.
As we get closer to welcoming your sister, I want you to know that you will always be my firstborn, my number one.
You will always be the one who made me a mom, the one who taught me patience, the one who shaped me into the best version of myself. You will always be the one who saved my life, the one who taught me what it means to unconditionally love someone and the one who taught me the definition of a bond between a mother and her child. You’ve taught me how to be selfless and that it’s no longer all about me. God sent you to me first for a reason. I will forever be grateful to you for helping to shape me into the mom that you, and now your sister, need me to be.
As I cherish these last days with you, it’s hard not to feel a sense of guilt. I feel guilty that your sister will never have me all to herself, like you did. That she will never have all my attention all the time, like you did. I will be shared between the two of you.
But instead of dwelling on what she won’t have, I want to focus on what she will have. She will have YOU. Instead of just Mommy and Daddy to love her, she will also have her big sister to love her. She will have you to play with, to talk to her, to sing to her, to teach her things and to calm her when she’s crying. I just know that you are going to be the best big sister to her and for that, she is one lucky little girl.
I love you baby girl, more than words could ever describe. Thank you for being you and for being so special. I might hold you a little more in the next few days and tell you I love you until it annoys you but just know, that it’s because I don’t take this time alone with you for granted. It will be a time I always remember and a time that changed my life forever.