To Anyone Who Feels Hard to Love Because of Mental Illness

I recently shared a shortened version of this on Instagram, but also wanted to share it here, in hopes that it reaches someone else that’s struggling. #yourenotalone

To anyone who’s struggling with feeling unlovable or like they’re a burden to their friends and family because of their mental health, please know that you’re not alone.

I’ve struggled with this feeling a lot in my life, and sometimes it can be too much. It’s a dark and lonely feeling that, for some people, has even lead to suicide.

There’s different reasons why people may feel this way, feel unlovable the way they are, or feel like a burden. For many, it begins with childhood trauma, since that’s where a lot of our beliefs start. That trauma often leads to mental illness, and then we’re left feeling like, who the hell would want this mess? 😣

For me, add in a complicated past, a super-sensitive, empathetic personality who feels everything SO much, and a family history of mental illness. It was pretty much a recipe for feeling unlovable.

HOW MY ANXIETY MAKES ME FEEL HARD TO LOVE

For most of my adult life, I’ve suffered from mental illness. Most recently, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, accompanied with panic attacks. My severe anxiety showed up just after the birth of my second daughter and I constantly felt like I was letting my husband down.

As if welcoming another baby to our family wasn’t hard enough, now I was also struggling in a major way. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to manage my emotions better. I wanted to stop crying so much. I wanted to stop the constant fear and worry. I wanted the intrusive thoughts to stop. I wanted to be able to think more clearly, but it was all SO hard to manage with my developing anxiety.

Those are just a few reasons why I felt hard to love during that time, and no matter how understanding my husband was, I couldn’t help but constantly feel like I was an extra burden because of my mental illness.

I still struggle with these feelings today, even though I have the most supportive partner. Not as frequently now, but when I’m having a particularly off day, those feelings will make an appearance. The negative self-talk creeps in and I can start to genuinely question why my husband is with me and almost convince myself that he’s going to leave one day.

A REMINDER FOR THE TIMES YOU’RE STRUGGLING

It can be very lonely, feeling hard to love. If you struggle with this feeling too, then here’s what I want to remind you (and myself):

You’re SO much more than the bad days, or bad moments or your anxiety or depression, etc. Those things aren’t who you are and that voice inside your head is wrong. That voice isn’t the truth.

There’s a lot of reasons you may feel unlovable and those feelings are valid. Someone or something made you feel less than, or like you were too much, or not worthy of love but that person, or thing, or voice is just that. They’re just a person or event or whatever caused this feeling, but they aren’t the truth.

The truth is that we really do kick ass at so many things. We forget that we’re amazing and special, JUST AS WE ARE.

To us, those moments where we’re struggling, where we don’t feel our best, can seem like they make up so much of who we are. In reality, though, they’re just tiny pieces to a much, much bigger puzzle. (And the right people will remind you of that. ❤️)

RESOURCES

The amazing people at When the Music Stops created a peer-based support group chat in Telegram, which is meant to be a safe space where you can go to feel heard and understood. It’s completely free and anyone can join.

You really are not alone and WTMS wants to make sure you know that. That’s just one of the reasons why I love this organization so much. They’re awesome people who also happen to love music as much as I do. 🙂

Here’s the rest of their info, and the information for other organizations ready to help when you need it: