Breastfeeding vs Formula Feeding? That was the question I debated early into my second pregnancy. I have now given birth to my second daughter and eventually made the decision to only formula feed her. This wasn’t the easiest decision to make, especially with how much society and doctors push us to breastfeed. For example, this is what the American Academy of Pediatrics states about breastfeeding:
“Breastfeeding is a natural and beneficial source of nutrition and provides the healthiest start for an infant. The AAP reaffirms its recommendation of exclusive breastfeeding for about the first six months of a baby’s life, followed by breastfeeding in combination with the introduction of complementary foods until at least 12 months of age, and continuation of breastfeeding for as long as mutually desired by mother and baby.”
This statement is then followed up with all kinds of statistics from different studies supporting their claim. (You can read the full article and policy here.)
Needless to say, the amount of information out there telling us that breastfeeding is better than formula feeding is overwhelming – and I’m not saying they are wrong.
I completely understand that breast milk does have it’s own benefits over formula but, I am definitely not here to say one way is better than the other. I personally agree with the phrase “fed is best,” whether that’s fed with formula or breast milk. As long as the baby is healthy and drinking as much as they are supposed to, then I think that’s what’s most important.
Here, I share my experience with breastfeeding my first daughter and the main reasons why I am choosing to formula feed my second baby.
The First Time Around
There was never any question with my first baby whether or not I would breastfeed her. It’s not something I had thought about too much but as her arrival approached, I just knew that I was going to breastfeed her and that was that. I knew that breastfeeding has lots of benefits and also doesn’t cost anything so why not?
I had just been moved to a small room after my C-section and was holding my daughter when a nurse came to check on me. She suggested that I try and feed my daughter. I instantly felt scared. I had no idea what to do! Thankfully though, the nurse was there to guide me through the process.
The first few days of feeding my daughter went as well as breastfeeding can go. She seemed to know exactly what to do. There was no trouble with her latching on, she seemed to be getting enough milk and it wasn’t painful – yet.
Soon, I was discharged from the hospital and we were on our own. At home, I continued to breastfeed our daughter but it wasn’t easy. It started to become more and more painful. I produced a lot of milk so my breasts constantly felt swollen and extremely tender.
I also started to feel resentful towards my husband. The first couple of months with a baby are overwhelming and exhausting enough as it is, and when you are the only one that can feed the baby, it just adds to your exhaustion. While I did buy a pump so that I could pump into bottles and let my husband feed the baby, that didn’t change the fact that I still needed to get up to pump.
What’s Wrong with Me?
The bottom line is that I was miserable and because I felt miserable, I began to feel consumed with guilt. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I enjoying this process of feeding and bonding with my daughter? Did this mean I wasn’t a good mom?
I had heard stories of how bad breastfeeding could be, stories about cracked nipples, it being painful when the baby latched on, or the baby not being able to latch on at all. You hear lots of horror stories like this when researching breastfeeding. However, I wasn’t experiencing anything close to this. Yes, the process was painful sometimes but it wasn’t intolerable. So, if my experience wasn’t as bad as it could be, why was I hating it so much?
Looking back, I realize now that what it comes down to is how it made me feel and I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to resent my husband and I didn’t want to feel guilty all the time.
RELATED: UPDATE ON BABY- Why I’m Choosing to Formula Feed My Second Baby
All of these things came to mind as I debated whether or not I was going to breastfeed my second baby. Ultimately, I decided to formula feed and below are the main reasons why I feel it was the best decision for me and my family.
1.) I will have help
Knowing that I won’t be the only one that can feed the baby takes a lot of pressure off. Not only does this give my husband a chance to participate and bond with our daughter, but it also gives other family members (such as Grandma and Grandpa) the chance to help out with feeding as well.
Many people claim that formula feeding causes you to lose the bonding experience. I personally don’t agree with this. When feeding my daughter, I hold her close and in a very similar position as if I was breastfeeding and I still get to look her in the eye. It still feels like a very special experience.
2.) More rest
What I learned in those early days with my first daughter is that sleep is CRUCIAL. Especially for me. I’ve never been able to function well without it. I seem to transform into this irritable and grumpy monster that doesn’t want anything to do with anyone. Not being the sole person that can feed my baby will allow me and my partner to take turns, therefore allowing me to get some more rest.
3.) I will be able to still spend time with my toddler
One major difference this time around is that I will also have a three year old to take care of. I remember back when I was breastfeeding her how time consuming it was! I want to make sure that she doesn’t feel left out all of a sudden once the baby arrives and by choosing to formula feed, this will allow me to still spend some time with my toddler while also giving her a chance to help and be a part of the process. She is always wanting to help Mommy and I think it will be an awesome experience for her to be able to help feed her baby sister.
4.) Less guilt
It’s funny because on one hand, society tends to make us feel guilty about choosing not to breastfeed our baby. I think we are made to feel like less of a mother somehow if we don’t breastfeed and it sucks. However, I am very comfortable with my decision to only formula feed and it has actually removed much of the guilt I felt the first time around. I won’t have to worry about whether or not I am doing it right, or if my baby is getting enough milk or wonder why I’m just not enjoying the process. I think less guilt (along with more help and sleep) will overall make me a happier mama this time around.
5.) Don’t have to worry about my diet or pain medication
My baby was born via C-section which means there was strong pain medication involved. This was also the case with my first daughter. She was delivered via C-section and I remember being so worried and paranoid about how the pain medication I was taking would affect her. It was just one more thing that added to my guilt. I also worried about every little thing I ate. I felt like I couldn’t just enjoy a meal anymore. This may seem like a selfish reason to formula feed and I guess it probably is. However, I personally believe that the happier I am and the less guilt I am feeling, than the better mom and wife I can be.
The biggest downfall to formula feeding is the cost. It is definitely the more expensive route. On average, we spend about $160 a month on formula. This is a huge extra cost that I understand many families can’t afford. It is something you should consider when deciding whether or not to breastfeed.
Our daughter is now a very healthy eight months old and I have no regrets about my decision.
What are your thoughts? Did you breastfeed or formula feed your baby? I would love to hear your experience!
Hi there! I just wanted to say it’s very refreshing to read this blog! I too have had many of the same reasons why I would like to formula feed my second child (I’m not pregnant but do plan to have a second child in a year or so). There’s so much judgment these days if you choose to not breastfeed. I did breastfeed my first child for about 3.5 months and eventually just wanted my body and life back. Everything that I did had to be planned around when I had to pump and it was causing me so much stress. I was so relieved once I stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula. It was like I was a normal person again! 🙂 I couldn’t imagine taking care of a toddler and trying to breastfeed a newborn! I appreciate your honesty and it makes me feel good to hear someone else say this aloud! 🙂 Take care!
Emily
I’m glad to hear from someone else that feels the same way! I was so surprised with how tough breastfeeding can be. And I apologize for responding so late! I just had my second baby so I have been neglecting my blog more than I’d like to admit but I really appreciate what you wrote. My baby is five weeks old now and I have no regrets about my decision to formula feed. She is healthy and doing great so if you do have a second child, do what is right for you! I wish you all the best. 🙂
Thank you so much for being brave enough to write this article ! I am 2 weeks away from my scheduled c-section and am still completely stressed about breastfeeding / pumping vs formula feeding. I simply have no desire to breastfeed or to be locked in a room pumping every two hours. The very thought makes me feel stressed and queasy. However, I have been so pressured by all my doctors to breastfeed that I really don’t know what to do. Medical staff had gone as far as telling me that my child will be sickly if I choose to formula feed! I also feel that a less stressed mommy is the best mommy and wife but I am just feeling so much pressure and guilt from others.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I know exactly what you mean! I could NOT believe how much the nurses in the hospital pushed breastfeeding. Thankfully, my doctor understood my decision and did not push the issue but the staff in the hospital was another story. One of the nurses that was a little more understanding gave me some advice to just stay firm in my decision and just push back if I had to. It’s really unfortunate that we have to deal with that on top of just having a baby and recovering from a c-section but my best advice is to do what’s best for you! I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have some more understanding nurses with you in the recovery room if you do choose to formula feed.
I am a nurse on a mother baby floor and I always tell my patients as long as their baby is eating, I don’t care how you feed them! I was bottle fed and was very rarely sick. While breastfeeding is for some people, it’s not for everyone and that’s ok. You should be able to feed your baby in a way you can enjoy them to the fullest. I know we are not allowed to suggest bottle feeding breastfeeding mothers at the hospital I work at but we definitely don’t push it on people.
Thank you so much for your comment! It’s really nice to hear from a nurse. That was another reason I was nervous to only formula feed – I had heard horror stories about how much some nurses and doctors pushed moms into breastfeeding and I was nervous to deal with that. Thankfully, I had some more understanding nurses because that made it much easier for me. It’s really nice that you understand both sides! I am sure the moms you take care of really appreciate you. 🙂
I just want to say thank you for this post! I️ just had my 2nd child on 11/8 and this time around i am much more open to giving my child formula vs breast feeding! I do know the benefits of breastfeeding, but it was the guilt that got me with my first. And what others thought. This time around, i am listening to me. I’m trying this exclusive pumping for a month and then hoping to transition to formula. Of if I️ can’t keep up the demand with pumping, I’m going to give her the formula. I’ve come to terms with it and I really want to thank you for this post. In the world of raising babies, all you hear is “breastfeeding is best”. And they make it seem that if you don’t then it’s not ok. Thank you for making me feel that I’m not alone in my thoughts! You rock!!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! I tried breastfeeding my first for those same reasons – I felt so much guilt if I didn’t at least try and I cared so much what others thought. I really am glad I listened to myself this time though, and I have no regrets so far. And congratulations on your second baby! I’m glad you are doing what you think is best for you and I wish you all the best with your new baby! 🙂
Thank you for writing this article! I am in the beginning stages of planning for a baby, so I am trying to learn all about what I want for myself and future baby. I have had conflicting emotions on breastfeeding or formula feeding because I’ve heard that breastfeeding is the best and healthiest way to feed. I have inverted nipples, which I have also read that it is much more difficult for the baby to latch or stay latched. Reading what you said about the bonding with baby, or the pain that breastfeeding would cause made me feel that I want to formula feed too.
I am so glad this might help you with your decision! It is not an easy decision to make, that’s for sure. Most things we read seem to still push breastfeeding and make us feel guilty for choosing otherwise. I know breastfeeding definitely has it’s benefits but personally, my experience formula feeding is going very well and I am glad I went this route. My baby is very healthy and to get the bonding experience, I just hold her very close to me when she feeds, in a similar way I held my first daughter when she would breastfeed. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide!
Thank you for this! I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first and I want to breastfeed real real bad, but I had a breast reduction surgery, which might make it impossible or really hard for me to breastfeed. Whenever I hear a mother say she was able to breastfeed her child exclusively for six months, I feel guilty and emotional, not knowing if I will be able to and knowing I won’t have exactly have a choice in the matter. Every time I read about breastfeeding my heart sinks, ‘because it’s best’ and I feel guilty about maybe not being able to provide the best. I’m already sick of that pressure. I love how you state that fed is best. Because it is absolutely true. Thank you. Whatever will come my way, I’ll be okay.
Yes! It is so hard for us to feel okay with formula feeding due to all the pressure out there and the stigma that is still attached to us if we don’t breastfeed. I really hope that changes soon! Fed is absolutely best. My baby is almost three months now and is perfectly healthy. I hold her close when I feed her and still feel like I am bonding with her during feeding time. I don’t regret my decision at all. I wish you all the best on whatever your outcome is. Like you said, you will definitely be okay either way and I’m sure your baby will be too.
I am reading this article as I nurse baby #2. I have been going back and forth with the idea of switching to formula. It’s definitely hard caring for a toddler and a born. I’m realizing that breast is not best if you are struggling. Breastfeeding is hard. What’s best is a happy healthy mom that is able to care for both children. Thanks for being so honest.
You are amazing for trying! I’m sure it is very tough, especially with a toddler. I hope it helps to hear from someone who isn’t breastfeeding also. While I applaud moms that can breastfeed for long periods of time (especially with other kids around), it just wasn’t for me and I learned to be okay with that. I was miserable when I was breastfeeding my first daughter and thought, why would I put myself through that again? I am much happier this time around and definitely feel like I made the right decision for myself. Good luck on your journey! Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide.
Thanks for sharing your journey! Breastfeeding was a painful and extremely emotional adventure with my baby and it only lasted a week. We found out she was tongue and lip tied and due to the guilt I ended up exclusively pumping for 8 months. I only stopped when I got to the point of being a complete mess – crying all the time and so super stressed about everything related to feeding her. We switched her over to formula and it has been a dream ever since! The only time I cry now is when I think about having to try and feed another baby someday. I will definitely be considering formula from early on with the next one!
Congratulations on your new baby – hope you are managing to get some rest!
Thank you so much! I appreciate it! And thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like it was super tough. If you do have another baby, I wish you all the best on whichever way you choose to go. 🙂
Great article! You could also add that the benefits of breastfeeding have been completely overstated, adding to the many reasons to not feel like you “have” to breastfeed your child. https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/03/04/is-breast-feeding-really-better/
I decided to formula feed my first child from day 1 because breastfeeding never appealed to me and I didn’t see the need to follow societal norms without real scientific studies proving it would be better for my child. It’s been great! His dad and I split the feedings, as well as all of the diaper changes, baths, and other duties. He is afterall, our child, and both of our responsibility. I get to eat what I want, leave the house for as long as needed, have a glass of wine guilt-free, and I have an incredible bond with our son despite him not drinking from my boob all day 🙂
Yes! I feel the exact same way! Thankfully, I also have a husband who shares the responsibilities with me so it makes everything that much easier. I never thought about it this way until your comment, but I think formula feeding has also been better on our relationship. I’m not harboring any kind of resentment toward him for not being able to help feed her this time around. Thanks for reading and sharing your opinion!
Oh my gosh this article was so refreshing to read!!! As a first time mom, I was all gun-ho about breastfeeding (I mean the idea of losing weight was my main driving force) but as we welcomed our little girl and I started feeding, I instantly hated it and could not understand why! You nailed every reason and helped me feel better about my own feelings. Breastmilk is great for kids – but formula isn’t poison… it is there as an alternative and one that I am so thankful for!!!
Your blog is the only one I have found online that I can personally click with right away. My husband and I are due with our 4th baby on Easter and my c-section is scheduled for April 2nd. With my other 3 children, I exclusively nursed them from the beginning for about 1-3 months each. This time, I told my Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor that I was choosing to formula feed from the very start and did not even want to attempt to breastfeed, because like you, I have had that guilt feeling everytime from being miserable and that guilt put me into a major depression twice so far. I think I’m going to be so much happier with giving my daughter, Lily, formula from the very beginning. Not only did I experience guilt 3 times, I do not keep up with properly nourishing myself with drinking tons of water and eating every two hours…especially when I have 3 or small mouths to feed all day…I recently found out I have a Mitral Valve Prolapse in my heart and now have to start cardiac medication April 30th, I’ve had Scoliosis back surgery when I was 11, I have only EVER taken Motrin for pain medication after my previous 3 c-sections and definitely want narcotics this time, and not to mention all of the previous reasons you listed above. When I told my doctor about my experience, she was saddened at hearing that I didn’t even want to attempt this time. But, once I told her all of the reasons why, she stared at me with golf ball sized eyes and was like, I totally understand and how you choose to feed your baby is totally your choice and nobody else’s. I’m afraid I’m going to have Lactation Consultants banging on my room door on the daily for the 4 days that I have to stay in there. How did your experience go with formula feeding in the hospital? I’ve been searching for other mommies opinions on their experience with formula feeding in the hospital and cannot find any. Thank you for sharing your opinions on “Fed is Best!” I appreciate that!
Thank you so much for reading this and for also sharing your story! You sound like an amazing and strong mama who’s been through so much. I was worried about the pressure I would get during my hospital stay too because I had heard horror stories but it went surprisingly well. I had a couple of nurses that pushed more than others but when that happened and they started to ask why I didn’t want to breastfeed, I would just tell them “I had a bad experience previously.” I left it at that and then they dropped it. On the other side, I also had a few really awesome nurses that told me they completely understood and made sure to let me know that I shouldn’t feel bad for my decision. The actual process of formula feeding went well also! No matter how the nurse felt about my choice, they all made sure I had enough formula for the baby and made sure I knew to just push the call button if I ever ran out. They were also good about making sure I knew how much I should be feeding the baby and all that as well. I wish you the very best and I hope that your experience goes well at the hospital! Sending you lots of love – Meghan
Thank you so much! That is very reassuring to hear how your experience went. I commend you for sharing your experience, like I previously stated. Even though this topic is obviously a very touchy subject, I feel like women should build each other up on this, as opposed to tearing each other down. Once a mother does experience both sides of the feeding spectrum; it’s easier to understand, I think. Once again, thank you so much! My c-section date has changed to a week ahead now on Monday, March 26th. The nerves are starting to kick in. Haha! Hugs!! – Celina
My first child is 7 weeks old. I am breast feeding but by 5 weeks when she was still only sleeping 2 hours at a time during the night (maximum), I couldn’t take it! So , knowing formula had more calories, I experimented with switching her last feeding with 2 ounces of formula and just like that she slept 7 hours! So I’ve done that every night since and all of the sudden she is a fantastic sleeper. However, when people ask me how I get her to sleep so Well and I tell them, there is so much judgement! People are terrible about it and it’s 2 ounces a day. I’m still breastfeeding. What I’m getting at is, you know what’s best for you and your baby. Nobody else has the right to make you feel less for your decisions.
Thank you! Yes, I honestly can’t believe how much stigma there still is regarding formula feeding early on. I am with you though – I feel like only you truly know what’s right for you and your baby and hopefully it will change to where we don’t have to feel so guilty or like less of a mom if we decide we don’t want to or can’t breastfeed. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! I wish you and your little one all the best!
Thank you so much for sharing! I share in the same sentiment many have expressed towards the blog. It is the only resource I stumbled upon that resonated with me. Greatly appreciate the insight and thoughts. I’m pregnant, first baby, due in June. My husband and I took a long IVF route to get here and have experienced complications in the pregnancy. I’ve found myself also vacillating which is odd since when I really drill down I’d prefer to formula feed. Stressful pregnancy, focusing on getting to the finish line healthy. Thank you again!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story! I’m so sorry to hear you’re having complications. It sounds like it has been a rough road for you! I pray you and your baby are healthy and if you do decide to formula feed, I hope you won’t feel guilty for it. I don’t regret my decision at all. My baby is five months and is healthy and strong. My first daughter is three and a half and I only breastfed her the first month before switching to formula and she is also a very healthy kid who rarely gets sick. I will be thinking of you and only you know what’s best for you and your baby! Trust yourself and try to ignore the rest. <3
Thank you so much for this article! I will be having my second daughter by c section in May and decided to formula feed from the beginning. My first I had a c section and really tried to breast feed. It was just a bad experience couldn’t get her to latch on and then decided I was going to exclusively pump. I only lasted about 2 weeks and switched to formula and it was such a good decision for us . I was so much happier and my almost three year old is doing great. My only worry now is being in the hospital to have my second child and the pressure I might get to breast feed again. I felt it the pressure to do it the first time and it makes me a little nervous for this one coming up. But reading your experience has helped knowing I’m not alone! Thank you!
Wow, your story is so similar to mine! Our girls are almost the same age apart and mine were both C-sections as well. That was definitely by biggest concern the second time around – the pressure I would face in the hospital. Thankfully though, no one was TOO pushy. It did feel like some of the nurses were judging me a little and had their two cents to throw in but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had imagined. Most of them were surprisingly very respectful and some even showed extra support for my choice. I wish you a healthy delivery and I hope you have a smooth, easy hospital stay as well.
I love seeing more blog posts from women that are actually pro-formula feeding! I feel that so many pinterest posts, Facebook rants and outspoken individuals in general focus too much on breast is best instead of fed is best 🙂 I am pregnant with #2 and will be formula feeding from birth as I did with my 1st. Breastfeeding never appealed to me and yes it was for “selfish” reasons eg split feeding duties, easier to know how much the baby is actually consuming and ultimately I just didn’t want to be tied down feeding or pumping when we can bond in other ways. I also looked at so many formulas and in the end decided with the cheapest option as I found the ingredients to be pretty much the exact same as the “premium” brands and I have a completely healthy and happy 17mth old, a happy mum and a happy dad … this is far more important than sticking to societal norms! Never once have I ever felt guilty about this decision and no one will make me feel it either 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I love your confidence! I feel the same way now – I don’t regret my decision at all and I feel like I truly did the best thing for me and my baby. In the beginning though, I definitely felt the pressure to breastfeed and felt that most people thought it was strange that I wasn’t even going to try with my second daughter. I wrote this to share my side and my experience and for people to know that you can still have happy, healthy babies that formula feed. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I appreciate it! 🙂
Thank you for your honesty here! Our society puts so much pressure on moms and you hit the nail on the head when you say being fed and being a better mom and wife is what is important! I think doing the best you can do is what your kids see. Thank you for this refreshing look at what is really important in life !
I appreciate that! Thank you so much for reading it!
I think I’m going to be the first with a slightly different point of view here! I’m breastfeeding my third at the moment, here are my thoughts – my partner is fully on board with breast feeding, and so he shares the load by taking care of so many of the many other things our family needs (like playing with the kids, meals, bedtimes). His connection with the big kids has really grown because of this. I find it’s just easy too, not sure how I’d manage with bottles, sterilising etc, do you find it time consuming? I love being able to head out the door with just my boobs and know we’re good for feeds whenever needed. I do understand the sense of pressure being the sole person able to feed the little one, it has its moments, but this also feels really special in a way, something just bubs and I share. This is just my perspective, I get it’s differeny for each of us.
I think I’m going to be the first with a slightly different point of view here! I’m breastfeeding my third at the moment, here are my thoughts – my partner is fully on board with breast feeding, and so he shares the load by taking care of so many of the many other things our family needs (like playing with the kids, meals, bedtimes). His connection with the big kids has really grown because of this. I find it’s just easy too, not sure how I’d manage with bottles, sterilising etc, do you find it time consuming? I love being able to head out the door with just my boobs and know we’re good for feeds whenever needed. I do understand the sense of pressure being the sole person able to feed the little one, it has its moments, but this also feels really special in a way, something just bubs and I share. This is just my perspective, I get it’s differeny for each of us. My only other comment is that I don’t think breastfeeding is actually the dominant position anymore – the figures would say I’m a bit unusual feeding my kids until two!
Thank you so much for sharing your honest opinion! I definitely agree that breastfeeding comes with that special feeling. Like you said, it feels like it’s something just you and the baby share. I felt that way when I breastfed my first daughter but I try to mimic breastfeeding as much as possible when feeding my second daughter. And yes, washing bottles is definitely a chore that comes with formula feeding but I actually think it’s easier when we go out. For me, it was hard to breastfeed my daughter comfortably in public (and I know, that is just my own thing and many other moms are way more comfortable with it). For me, formula feeding has just worked much better but I know that everyone is different. I think the best thing to do is whatever you think is right for you and your baby. Again, I appreciate you sharing your opinion! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. 🙂
I’m glad I’m not the only one who read this coming from a breastfeeding point of view. I am pregnant with my second child and I am still breastfeeding my almost 2 year old. Yes it is tiring and I am honestly ready to be done when he is, but I wouldn’t take it back or change it for the world. I fully intend to exclusively breastfeed my second child because I know it is what’s best for them based on scientific research. I have also seen the differing results in my own family of formula versus breastfeeding when it comes to health of Mom and baby. I hate to sound mean, but I think the reasons listed by formula feeding moms in this article and comment section are selfish and I do believe that breast is best. I really hope this article doesn’t discourage anymore people from breastfeeding. It’s an amazing experience and the most amazing food that you can provide for your child nothing else will ever come close to it. It’s easy, convenient, not to mention free, and full of irreplaceable nutrients. It’s definitely not the easiest path, but it’s worth it in the end.
Thank you so much for your opinion and for taking the time to read this. However, I think a huge point is getting missed. I completely understand that breast milk is best. However, some of you are implying formula is incredibly inferior (as someone compared it to McDonalds vs a home cooked meal). Formula these days is very similar to breast milk. I understand that it is still lacking in some areas but it in no way means that the baby will be any less healthy. Formula has come a long way and I think society needs to acknowledge that. Also, this article was in no way written to discourage breastfeeding. I wrote this because of the stigma and harsh opinions I faced when sharing my choice to formula feed. No one should have to go through that. It is up to the mother, and only her, in regards to how she wants to feed her baby and no one should make her feel like less of a mom for it. Formula is fine, everyone needs to get out of the old thinking and accept that our babies can be just as healthy when formula fed.
Your outlook is exactly like mine. I experienced it this way…
I tried for over a decade to have a child. I had my first baby and we spent a week in the hospital between being anemic and my baby having some issues that made us stay three days longer. I breast Fed during that week. When I got home i had a total of 5 hours of sleep for that whole week in the hospital. I was Tired, sleep deprived, anemic, and baby was getting dehydrated from my lack of milk from being sick. I said This is it! I’m formula feeding! I whipped out the can of free formula that was in my closet that some brand sent and fed my baby! We all got rest and my baby hardly ever got sick! She is now 5 and amazing! Breast milk is overrated in my experience. Baby fed, rest and happiness is what is most important. I will Always believe you do what is best for you! Love this article.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I hope by all of us sharing our experience, we can start to normalize formula. 🙂
Thanks so much for this post! We’re expecting our first in December. I’ve always planned to do formula but was starting to struggle with guilt and concern over whether I was making the right decision.
But I had a very invasive breast reduction surgery and if it is even possible, it will very difficult. We also live in Paris where the grocery store is a 20 minute walk and most other places I go are a 45 minute metro/train ride. And with a gluten allergy, staying on top of eating regular meals is already difficult during busy seasons in a country where quick or prepared meals are non-existent and everything is based on bread. I can’t imagine navigating these challenges while staying sane and healthy enough to feed my baby.
So I appreciate this article so much! I think formula is going to be the best way to keep baby fed and mom and dad still functioning. Thankful for someone reminding me it’s ok to do what’s best for us!
First of all, congratulations on the baby! I’m so glad this was helpful for you! I know that I felt the same way at first and felt guilty for not choosing to breastfeed. I was really hoping this would make other moms feel better if they chose to formula feed. I wish you all the best and definitely stick to what you think will be right for you and your family.
Hey Rachel I just wanted to let you know that I have a gluten allergy as well and I had no problems staying nourished to breastfeed my baby. It actually takes less calories during the postpartum period to breastfeed than it does during pregnancy. If you are able to keep up with yours and baby’s nutrition needs now it’s also a possibility to still breastfeed if you were still considering it. I am still breastfeeding my son and I’m pregnant with my second baby. We live in a very small town with one small grocery store and are about 80 miles from a larger town with more options so I feel your pain, but I hope this have brought you some encouragement and peace of mind that it is still possible. Good luck.
I made the decision to bottle feed my first for all the same reasons. I always felt bad but I was a better mom for making that choice. I am glad to have read your story thank you!
Thank you so much for reading it and sharing your thoughts! It’s good to know that us moms who choose to formula feed from the beginning aren’t alone. 🙂
Thank you for your post! My son is 2 1/2 and he was exclusively formula fed. I felt so much guilt but it was great for us. After I had my son, every doctor and nurse that came in asked about breastfeeding and wanted to convince me. I was so annoyed because I knew the pros/cons of both. I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t just respect me. Many people assumed I couldn’t breastfeed and I didn’t correct them. It sounds horrible when you say “I just didn’t want to breastfeed.” It’s not really accepted as a reason. You are seen as the most selfish person. With my son it was nice because we alternated feedings, which meant I could sl eep for longer since my husband took a feeding. There is still bonding – every moment with my son was bonding. My husband really liked knowing how much nutrition he was getting. When we have another we plan on doing the same thing. I hope someday this constant attacking of other moms stops. We need to support one another!
I know this comment will be deleted but I wanted to share the other point of view instead of just agreeing. Breastfeeding is hard. So is pregnancy. I misunderstand why women’s “choices” are so harshly judged while pregnant god forbid a women smoke, or take certain medications, or have lunch meat while pregnant! But the second your baby (who is still 100% physically reliant on you) leaves your body then it’s just “your choice” “happy mom happy baby”. Doesn’t it stand to reason you should still pick the option that is medically considered best for your offspring if you can? Fed is best I totally agree but if I get to choose the equivalent of McDonalds (formula) for my infant or a home cooked balanced meal (breastfeeding) then you know which I’m going to choose despite he level of difficulty. So I would really appreciate someone from the formula camp explain this to me. Why is it not okay to do a bunch of scientifically questionable things while pregnant in our society but totally fine to pick the medically proven inferior feeding option for our helpless infants when we could provide better? I’m sorry but I just don’t see an ounce of difference between a mom smoking while pregnant and a mom physically able (key words here) giving her infant a bottle. Both probably make the mom feel “happy” soooo where is the line?
If a Mom is miserable breast feeding why should she continue doing it? A Mom is still human, separate and entirely her own person why does she have to sacrifice so much just to breastfeed? Moms make so many sacrifices for their children, but they needn’t be martyrs , and be super miserable. If a woman has postpartum depression and breastfeeding helps make that worse (due to lack of sleep, etc.) why continue breast feeding when there is an entirely healthy option? Also, if you are that harsh on other woman (comparing formula feeding to smoking) know that other kinds of mothers have to formula feed. What about foster moms?
Also can we stop saying we are”better moms” for picking the inferior feeding method for our babies? I mean come on. I had every struggle you can possibly imagine to breastfed both my babies but I did and I’ve never felt stronger or more empowered as a women or mother. So no I don’t think anyone is a “better mom” for choosing to not struggle and give her infant formula. This is such a selfish society logic problem. We want everything without any sort of sacrifice and will use all mental gymnastics within our ability to achieve that and still feel like a great person.
I definitely think you misunderstood the comment “being a better mom” due to my choice to formula feed. I am simply saying that for me (and me only), I was happier, less stressed and less depressed when I chose to formula feed. In no way am I saying that I am better than moms who breastfeed. I have a tremendous amount of respect for mothers who breastfeed. My point in writing this was that it isn’t for everyone and we shouldn’t feel ashamed if we choose to formula feed.
Thank you for replying. I am not saying formula feeding mothers are lesser people. I guess what I’m saying as a breastfeeding mother who DOES struggle to do the best thing for my child. I just don’t fully understand why someone chooses the medically known lesser option for their child’s sole nutrition source. I get some people can’t at all and in that case I get it but otherwise I still don’t see. Why is it okay to socially pressure women to be healthy during pregnancy but the second baby is out then it’s “moms choice” and no one can question that? I just find me being depressed or having a harder time for the first year of my babies life is a small price to pay for giving my child the best. Just like in pregnancy. You do what’s best for your fetus/child even if it’s hard and I’m sorry in all logical that should also apply after your baby is born. My second daughter is 8th month old it is hard to breastfeed in a lot of ways, I could probably use to be on an anti depressant but I’d rather give her the best and sacrifice my all for her benefit. I’ll have plenty of years to do what’s best for me only a blink of time do I belong to her and I will gladly suffer it. So I guess I’ll just leave it at I just don’t understand still….
Reading this while pumping. I planned to formula feed my second after successfully formula feeding my first from 2 weeks on. Plans changed when she arrived 12 weeks early . I was told constantly by doctors and nurses that pumping was the only thing I could do for my baby. The nurses wheeled that pump to her bedside every 3 hours. It’s been 10 weeks since she was born and we were finally able to bring her home a few days ago. I’m struggling with pumping. My output is low, I’m sure due to stress and bein g away from her so much. I’m already having to supplement with formula as I can only get 12 oz a day and it is medically necessary to fortify my milk with formula as well. I want to quit pumping but the guilt is real! I know my circumstances are different due to her health concerns, but it does help to read your stories and know I’m not the only momma that wants to focus on her other kids, get some sleep and doesn’t think breastfeeding is magical and perfect.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles! I hope you and your baby are doing well. I’m glad to hear my story helped. I am just so frustrated with how much people push us to breastfeed when it is simply not for everyone and I don’t think we should have to feel guilty about it. I felt that same guilt at first but I am learning now that I made the right decision not only for me but for my baby as well. We are both doing great and I wouldn’t change a thing. Wishing you all the best! 🙂
Hi! Just came across this post and I have to say how refreshing your honesty is! I formula fed my daughter because we could never make breastfeeding work and it came down to her needing to be fed. I’ve secretly been relieved it didn’t work because I got so much help from my husband and there was no pressure! I understand that breastfeeding is good, but there isn’t anything wrong with formula! My daughter is almost 2 and is thriving just like other children. Thanks so much for putting this out there! We need more of it!!
I appreciate that so much!! I agree! I wish more formula feeding moms would share their experience but it’s crazy how much shame and stigma there is associated with it, so I understand why it’s hard. It was hard enough for me to decide whether or not to put this post out there. Hopefully that will change soon! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
As so many others have said, this post is refreshing.
I came looking for experiences because I’m 24-weeks pregnant with baby #3. I breastfed my first for 6 months and had a really challenging time.
My second child was breastfed for all of 2 days and then we switched to formula. I don’t regret that decision in the least. We bonded so much faster and the entire postpartum experience was a vast deal more pleasant.
And now here I am stressing over the whole thing again. I swing back and forth between wanting to try and not wanting to have that pressure.
This is almost certainly our last baby. Breastfeeding is absolutely the norm in my circle of friends, and it is 100% the pressure of society that’s making me question going straight to bottle feeding.
Anyway, who knows what I’ll decide in the end, but thank you for sharing your story and perspective. My kids are 3 years old and 21 months old and neither gets sick more than the other. They’re both happy and well-bonded, so I guess that speaks for itself.
And to those who think choosing formula is ‘selfish’, the problem is that they don’t understand that what is best for baby isn’t limited to just what the eat. Having a healthy mother is even MORE important.
Postpartum depression is NO JOKE and there are many contributing factors, one of which can be struggles with breastfeeding.
A mother that chooses to formula feed isn’t choosing an inferior diet for her child, she is choosing what is best for both the holistic health of her child AND herself.
I so appreciate your response! It sounds like your experience with your first two children were similar to mine – breastfed the first one and hated life and then now, it is just so much better all the way around since not having to worry about everything that goes hand in hand with breastfeeding. My baby is now nine months and completely healthy. I know not everyone agrees with me and I knew this topic would not sit well with some, but I just wish we (as a society) could stop putting SO MUCH pressure on women to breastfeed when there is a completely healthy alternative. Another reader compared formula feeding to giving your baby fast food and I just don’t understand this thinking. I suffered from postpartum depression and anxiety this time and I can’t even imagine how much worse it would have been if I had chosen to breastfeed. Mama – I say do what you think is best for you and your family! And if you do choose the formula route, I hope you will not feel too much guilt. A happy mom is much more important than whether or not we are breastfeeding or formula feeding, as long as the baby is healthy. That’s just my opinion and experience. I’ll be thinking of you and I wish you a healthy rest of your pregnancy! 🙂
Hi! I’m a teen mother (hopefully no judgement there!) Ive been pressed so much to breast feed, it has pushed me away from the idea. Ive had family call me selfish for wanting to Formula feed and push even harder for me to “just pump it’s fine”. I’m so glad to see mom’s who feel the same as me!
Hi! First of all, no judgement here at all! Thank you for sharing a part of your story. It for sure makes it really hard when it feels like we are heavily pressured into breastfeeding. Do what’s right for you and listen to what your gut! Wishing you all the best <3
Hi I am currently pregnant with baby number 8, I have breastfed 5 of my kids for varying amounts of time and formula fed 2 from birth. Most of my breastfeeding journeys have lasted between 2 and six weeks but my youngest is 3 next month and still feeding. I used to enjoy feeding him but I hate it now and feel resentful to my partner as my little boy is so clingy and is most definitely my hardest child. I want to wean but struggling as he gets so upset. I really feel I want to formula feed from birth this time but feel so awful but can’t explain why. All my kids are happy healthy and very bright and you couldn’t say any were better because of breastfeeding, in fact my youngest has eczema and allergies that none of the others Have! This post has helped me feel more confident in my decision and I totally agree with everything you have said, despite the guilt I feel so much happier thinking I will go straight to bottle xxx
Oh my goodness – baby number 8! Well congratulations! I hope SO much that you don’t feel guilty if you go the formula route. I felt the same way and I think it’s because society and doctors and nurses push us so much to breastfeed. Yes, I get that it is the best option but people act like formula feeding is doing something horrible to your baby. I wrote this to hopefully change some people’s views on formula feeding. I’m so glad it seems like it helped you. My baby will be one in October and she couldn’t be healthier. She has only had a minor cold twice in one year. I personally have no regrets and feel like I was a much happier mom and wife this time around. Good luck mama! You are obviously strong if you have seven kids with one on the way. Do what your gut tells you. 🙂
All three of my children ended up being formula fed for three different reasons. My first for bad reflux, the second because I wasn’t physically making milk(long story there,) and my third because I didn’t want to stress about nursing with my last baby. And all my kids turned out fine. And I was better for it. I recovered better emotionally in that post partum time and it gave my husband and extended family a chance to bond and have special times with my kids.
Fed is best.
I couldn’t agree more! My baby is almost one now and is super healthy as well. Hopefully, we can get past this whole debate soon and just agree that fed is best. 🙂 Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience!
I also want to say Thank You SO Much for writing this. I cannot express how comforting it is to know other moms out there did not find breastfeeding to be the magical experience I was led to believe it would be. My gorgeous baby boy was born 2 weeks early via emergency cesarean and we struggled from the beginning to feed. He would struggle to nurse and even though it was painful and stressful, I wanted to make it work! When he was 2 weeks old we discovered he has a lip tie that prevents him from latching correctly, and on top of that, my milk supply never truly “came in.” My husband went out and bought me a pump so I could try to boost my milk supply , but despite pumping every two hours and eating everything I could find that was good to boost lactation, it would take a whole day’s worth of pumping to get 6 oz. I’m fairly certain I was struggling with postpartum depression and would spend all day crying because of the guilt and frustration I felt at “failing” my baby. We started supplementing with formula and eventually made the decision to switch completely to formula. The change in our home’s atmosphere was marked. I was a happier Mommy, he was a much happier (fuller) baby. If you think about it, the small window of time that we have with our beautiful newborns is sooo small. To me, the choice I made has enabled me to ENJOY my son and this special, unique, once-in-a-lifetime experience. Thank you for encouraging those of us that wish we could have breastfed but could not.
I appreciate your response so much! And thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like it was a horrible experience. I’m glad more people are starting to talk about the fact that breastfeeding might not be for them (for a number of different reasons, like not being able to) and that it’s OK to formula feed. It’s still so crazy to me that we haven’t accepted it more but hopefully we will get there soon. Wishing you all the best!
Thank you so much for this. I truly needed this. I have been struggling for the past two weeks, since my beautiful baby girl was born, with this very thing. Every single nurse/doctor that walked in my hospital room was pushing pushing pushing breastfeeding. My baby had a difficult time latching on so they brought in a specialist that wanted to perform a fernotomy which is cutting inside her mouth to make her able to latch on. She was perfectly capable of sucking a bottle, just not a breast. I was immediately mortified at the thoughts of my 1 day old having her mouth cut just to be able to breastfeed, so of course my husband and I decided to try bottlefeeding. I tried to pump but after waiting a week and a half my milk never came in. I could only pump out an ounce a day, between multiple attempts. I’m best friend had a baby a few months before me and she was STILL pressuring me to breastfeed. I told her I only get an ounce a day so there is absolutely no way that my baby could do that. She still kept pushing and punching and told me that if I really wanted to do it then I could make it happen. She made me feel like a horrible mother because my body couldn’t physically produce the milk needed for my baby. Needless to say, that friendship has been bruised and I don’t think it will ever be the same. I am proud to formula feed because I know that my beautiful baby girl is healthy and happy – which makes me happy. Shaming anyone for feeding their baby is absolutely horrible. As long as our children are being fed, it is no one’s business but ours.
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your experience! NO ONE should have to go through that. I can’t believe they wanted to perform that on your daughter when she could drink fine from a bottle. It is so crazy to me that we are still having to even talk about this. Formula is a completely healthy alternative to breast milk and hopefully, more people will understand that soon. No one knows what a mom is going through and only she knows what is best for her and her baby. I’m so glad it ended up working out for you. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
As I was reading your older article with your first and how time consuming it was for you and how resentful you were towards your husband (not pulling negative sides of this) it seems that you may have had some sort of postpartum depression. While you had no issues at all breastfeeding, on your About Me you put your battle with mental health issues. Going back to your postpartum days, it could seem that it could have been baby blues or postpartum depression. Which all postpartum moms should talk to their OBs or Midwives about postpartum depression and see if that could be the reason for feeling this way for resenting your husband or feeling that breastfeeding is time consuming. Because newborn babies fed about 10-12 times in a day and feeding sessions could last for about 15-45 minutes long. I’ve breastfed all 3 of my children and yes even though I’ve felt this way towards my husband or my children, there was a place of balance. Where once baby is done I could spend time with my husband or my toddlers. Or having a mantra to yourself this is only temporary…..my husband is my support system. There’s a lot that goes into play into choosing to formula fed. It takes about the same amount of time to prep bottles, clean bottles, fed baby within a 15 to 30 minute time frame , that’s all within putting into breastfeeding.
If your making breastfeeding and formula feeding open to it. It does get overwhelming because your seeing what is best. What kind of formula brand will baby take. What happens when my baby has a reaction to my breastmilk , what foods can I take out etc. Of course this is my open but what helps breastfeeding moms become successful in breastfeeding is being in supportive breastfeeding groups, talking to a board certified lactation consultant. Breast milk is best in reducing certain illnesses. Formula does not tailor to baby’s needs. It’s finding what works for you and your family, educated, support etc. Having mom and baby happy is best. Again this is from what I have read in breastfeeding books and my own education and experience with multiple babies.
Love this article! It’s so nice to hear someone else with the same mom guilt and reasoning for formula feeding the second time around. Curious to hear how your weight loss/body recovery has been without bf? I ended up exclusively pumping for 8 months with my first and all the weight easily came off. This time I switched to formula around 5 weeks, and haven’t lost a pound since the initial weight loss of childbirth; he’s now 3.5 months and still 20# up
Thank you so much for reading! I actually had the same experience both times. I gained 50 pounds with both of my daughters and had to work really hard to get back to my pre-baby weight (still 5 pounds to go). 🙂 I never felt like breastfeeding helped me with that much. I had to change my diet and work hard to lose the weight, unfortunately lol. Don’t be too hard on yourself about your twenty pounds! My daughter is one and it took me close to a year to get close to my original weight.
I needed this article.. I have been pumping for 3 months for my son who spent a total of 75 day s in the NICU. My milk supply was good at the beginning and he was only on breast milk but with his long stay my stress I think made my milk supply diminish a lot. I now only pump 30mls a DAY! It doesn’t seem worth it anymore to me but everyone always has an opinion on breast is best. It makes me feel so guilty that my body failed again but it’s nice to read on other moms choosing to formula feed as I am so unhappy right now continuing to pump and watching less and less come out. I just need the bump to quit and become happier and let my guilt go.
What a breath of fresh air. Just beautiful! Thank you x
Thank you so much!
This topic makes me crazy. There’s no denying the benefits of breastfeeding. It was my personal choice to breastfeed all three of my own kids. I loathe every second of it. I understand completely why someone would choose to formula feed and while the information about breastfeeding is generally accurate, the information about formula feeding isn’t. It’s not vodka. It’s not poison. It’s not McDonald’s. It’s a nourishing, viable alternative to breastmilk and it makes my brain explode to see the negative connotation associated with it.
Yes, yes and yes! Thank you! I couldn’t agree more. The topic makes me crazy too but I felt the need to write this since everything I came across when I was pregnant was about breastfeeding. People talked about formula feeding in such a negative way. I think both choices are fine and it blows me away that we still have this conversation today. Thank you so much for reading!
Thanks for this! With my first son, we started out breastfeeding, but he wasn’t gaining weight, so had to start supplementing with formula at 3 weeks. I was so anxious all the time, worrying about him getting enough to eat, not to mention how much time it took to feed him, then pump afterwards and clean everything. My husband and pediatrician both advised to go to formula only, because they could see how it was affecting me. After we made that decision, I actually started enjoying my son! Plus, as you say, my husband could do some of the night feedings and I could fully recover from birth! He’s now 3 years old (And perfectly happy and healthy) , so when we were anticipating our second son’s birth, I started to think about what we would do this time. I was thinking i should at least try breastfeeding again and see if my supply was better this time, but then i was reading through a breastfeeding guide I saved from last time to refresh my memory and all those anxious feelings came rushing back. I was still undecided when we went to the hospital this time, but then i ended up having postpartum hemorrhaging and needed blood transfusions in the recovery room. My son breastfed once or twice, but we did some formula when it was time for him to eat and I was still getting blood and being monitored. Ultimately, we just decided to go all formula after that. I have so much less anxiety and guilt for that decision this time. I think it’s mostly because I made the decision rather than it being made for us. I still get some judgment from people, but I can just brush it off this time. My baby is gaining weight, is happy and best of all has a mom who is happier and more present!
You sound exactly like me! Although, I am so sorry to hear about the complications you had. That sounds like it was really scary! I’m glad it seems like you are doing okay. I feel the same way as you – I know some people judge my decision, but I know it was ultimately what was best for me and my baby. She’s now a year old and couldn’t be more happy and healthy. 🙂
Thank you so much for this. I feel like I could have written it myself. It is definitely something I needed to hear right now. The guilt has been consuming me. Thank you again.
You are so welcome. I’m sorry to hear you are having so much guilt but just remember to listen to yourself and your body. Only you know what is right for you and your baby – no one else. Wishing you all the best <3
Love this! I am scheduled to have my 2nd baby boy Jan. 4th via csection and have decided to formula feed. My husband is completely on board with it. I didn’t have a great experience with breastfeeding my 1st. I think I lasted 2 weeks but it was mainly pumping because he wouldn’t latch. It was all out so stressful for the all of us. And with this being our last baby I just want to enjoy all that I can and soak it up. Not be stressed about feeding my baby. I am not against breastfeeding but it is just not for me and I know my baby will be fed, happy, and healthy with formula.
I couldn’t have said it better myself! That’s exactly how and why I chose to formula feed my second daughter. It was just plain EASIER and I was happier and my baby was healthy. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience!
Found this thru Pinterest. I NEEDED this. I’m pregnant with my second, while my first is currently 15 months old. I tried to breastfeed with my first and it felt so wrong and unnatural from the start. I tried, and she would have the perfect latch, but she wouldn’t suck. I pumped and she’d drink from a bottle just fine, but not from me. I was so frustrated and upset – like, what’s wrong with my breasts?! I thought this was supposed to be my bonding experience with my daughter and she doesn’t like my boobs! Pumping was miserable and I felt like I was doing it all the time and slicing my nipples with razors. I was tired and angry and resentful. Postpartum depression hit and nothing anyone said made me feel better. When I talked to the lactation coach, she was actually the one to tell me that breastfeeding isn’t for everyone and IT WAS OKAY TO GO TO FORMULA. She told me how to dry myself out and was so supportive that I broke down in tears. But the SECOND I made the decision to swap to formula, and massive weight came off my shoulders. It was the best decision we made. When I became pregnant this time around I thought about breastfeeding again because maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? My husband was shocked. He actually asked me to reconsider because he remembered how miserable I was. Currently riding a wave of guilt but then I remind myself – my daughter is incredibly healthy and hitting all her milestones and was almost completely formula fed. Neither my husband nor I was breastfed and we’re perfectly normal, intelligent human beings. This baby will be fine and loved and FED. This article is helping me a lot. Thank you!
I am so, so happy that this helped! That’s exactly why I wanted to write this. I completely relate to everything you wrote since it is so similar to my experience. The guilt can be so overwhelming but I hope you can try not to let it get to you too much. I know that’s hard but I, personally, don’t regret my decision at all. My baby is now almost fifteen months and incredibly healthy and I feel much better as well. Wishing you all the best! <3
This is so encouraging! And reading all of the comments from other moms feeling the same way! I didn’t produce with my son and felt so guilty about not breast feeding! And then when someone would ask me (some times strangers which isn’t okay) if I breast fed, I felt I had to lie or justify why I didn’t.
I’m now pregnant due in June and I’ve been trying to decide what to do because I don’t want to breast feed. I want the extra help and sleep and honestly I just want less stress! Thank you for the encouragement. I wish more moms could just encourage one another instead of tearing each other down!
I just had a baby girl and she is two and a half months now, at first I thought she couldn’t latch and spent a whole month pumping before I decided to try breastfeeding again, she latched perfectly fine the first time! Now it’s so easy to feed her I’m so much more relaxed feeding on demand I don’t think I’ll ever go back to exclusive pumping again if I can help it, for me it was just so exhausting having to make sure and wake up at the same times every night to pump and then constantly having to clean and sterilize bottles and pump parts, I enjoy breastfeeding so much more, I do believe breastmilk is best and mothers should feed it to their babies if at all possible, especially as I’ve heard many times that formula fed babies are more likely to get sick since they’re not getting the natural antibiotics that mothers milk can give them but I don’t blame mothers who formula feed, I realize breast is best but fed is even better, and I’m happy for you mothers who can let go of the guilt and just do what works best for you and your baby.
I had my baby in November 2018 through c-section. I was in the hospital for severe preeclampsia and sepsis for 7 days. My baby was formula fed since birth and but I did start pumping. My baby never latched on when I got home and I couldn’t pump the 8 times a day the lactation specialist wanted me to.My breast never engoroged and my milk supply never really came in. I feel less of a woman because my breasts don’t produce milk.
But then I remind myself that My baby and I almost died, and I am thankful to be alive. (My baby and I were on 4 antibiotics following his birth because I had a dangerous bacteria in my blood and my baby was swimming in it)
I enjoyed reading your post. I think all moms have felt this way. I do want to encourage moms that there are ways that dad and other family members can bond with the baby besides feedings! Do get weary over that! I also had a csection and the meds are FINE! Also as moms we have to realize that WE ARE ENOUGH. You don’t have to be on a super strict healthy diet to breatfeed. Your concerns are pure and the post is your story, but a lot of your fears or worries were misconceptions. I do agree 100% that fed is best, but there is tons of research that supports breastmilk being the best form of nutrition for baby. With my first I did not nurse the entire time, so I’m not judging. I’m on baby #2 and I’ve learned a lot more! #RelaxandNureOn
Thank you soooo much for posting this!! I had my 2nd daughter in november 2018. My first is 2yo and going through that terrible two stage (the struggle is so real). My first wont let me breastfeed the baby, she will try to hit, kick, pull her little sister away from me and will throw the biggest tantrum when i try to breastfeed in another room. So after a week of that chaos i decided to pump exclusively, but she’ll come in the room and start to pull the pump bottle, cables etc. in turn i was getting sk angry and stressed out from the disturbance plus at this point i am sleep deprived. So i decided to just ditch the pumping and feed my baby formula. It’s been 3 days now that i stopped pumping as much (im pumping 4 times a day to slowly decrease my milk production) and i am less stressed out, i get to rest more, i am more patient with my toddler and generally happier. After reading your post i feel less guilty about not wanting to breastfeed and yes fed is definitely best
Thank you so very much for this encouraging article.. I just had baby#3 on 1/26/19 and chose formula feeding. My other two babies never really latched well but I tried breastfeeeding first 5-6 months. It was super exhausting experience to formula feeding and pumping in between. I went through mastits twice. I almost felt like mastits was more traumatic than labor. So before I had my baby#3, My husband and I had a conversation over breastfeeding and we decided what is best for our family. My other two kids are 3 y/o and 4 y/o and they still require lots of attention and time from mommy. Every single visitors asked me “Are you breastfeeding?” I just wanted to tell them “None of your business, We are doing the best for our family”. Dont feel guilty because you are not breastfeeding. Your babies are fed, being loved and held…
Thank you for the articles. What you wrote is all great for options. I breastfeed my two child and now i got third child and for less guilt i mixed feed him. Formula and breastmilk that i pumped. Night time we he sleep next to me and ready to breastfeed anytime he want. I just use formula mixed with breast milk if i go out. So as long its easy for you and you happy with it, anything is possible coz we are mother and wife that handsful and i think we all done enough
I recently came across this article and I feel like I can relate with the points that you made. Nursing my 2nd child (shes 1 month now) was so time consuming and I never made time with my toddler (hes 3 years old). There were times he wanted to help and now I given the opportunity to pump instead because she stopped latching on this past few days. She would cry being hungry and I didnt know what to do so I decided I’m gonna put her on the bottle. Before I was nursing her exclusively during her 1st month and in between her feedings I was pumping on the side because I was constantly engorged in both breast and the milk was always running.
Right now she has been crying and putting her on bottle was the best because she stopped crying. (Like you said BEST IS FED) she took the bottle and I’m not frustrated with struggling to put her on the nipple. About a week ago I noticed that she wasnt nursing much and my milk supply kinda ran low so I went to WIC lactation consultant and she pretty much gave me an appointment later on next month which I wanted to be seen quickly so she can help me but it never happened.
In the end I’m glad that she took the bottle and is still drinking breastmilk. Right now I’m pumping on the clock so she can get the benefits
I love this!!!!
With my first daughter I struggled to breastfeed. I tried so much and she would not latch. I would cry and feel like it was my fault and I was just a terrible mother. I pumped but soon after I started to work I gave up on that too. With my second daughter I did breastfeed but I did have resentment towards my husband who was able to sleep all night while the baby was waking me up every 40 minutes. I had so much pain my nipples did bleed and I was not happy. I enjoyed the babies more when I bottle feed them and was able to relax, play with them, and hold them close. I love this blog because so many of us feel guilt about breastfeeding when no guilt should be there.
Perfect. I love this. I’m going exactly the same for my second. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for writing this! I had 2 awful experiences with breastfeeding and it made me feel so guilty to switch to formula. Logically I knew it was the right decision and i was a much better mother/wife/person when I made the switch. But emotionally it was still hard to accept and to feel judged. My kids are healthy and happy and I can’t decide if I will try breastfeeding again for the next baby. Either way, fed is best for sure! No one should feel judged for doing their best.
Thanks so much for this article! I’m having babies 3&4 in a few months and will exclusively formula feed them. Breastfeeding gave me so much anxiety and stress, I don’t produce enough which makes the mom guilt even worse!!! It’s so refreshing to read a post that is about why you chose formula over breastfeeding! I say “do you” whatever works for you- it’s no ones place to judge!
It is true, that choice is all yours, every mother is entitled to choose the way they wish to feed their kids, however, I feel like you missed some support system during the time you chose to breastfeed, because there are many ways to involve fathers, even if they don’t feed the baby, if that was the only activity fathers could have on this parenting thing they would be useless, and they are not. Also, keep in mind that updated info has been released about medication and diet while breastfeeding, there are not THAT many restrictions as we think. However, I wish the best for you and all the mothers who feel the same. And for the rest of them, seek for updated information.
You are the reason why moms feel guilty about making the decision to breast feed.
You also missed the boat completely. It was the best decision for this mom and other moms out there regardless of what the “newest research” says.
Thank you for sharing and Congratulations on your well thought out decision. I agree fed with love is the best! And never, ever a mom shoul feel guilty. We, (our body and mind)go through a lot with the pregnancy and after it, so is not fear after all that to feel guilty. Thank you again for sharing❣
Thanks for posting this. I get tired of doctors, lactation consultatives, friends, and family saying you have to breastfeed. With my first the lactation consultant told me if I didn’t breastfeed my baby he’d be stupid and wouldn’t go to college. Well fast forward 9 years later after formula feeding him, he is in the elite top of his class for mathematics, engineering, and sciences. I’m sorry, no not sorry. I will be formula feeding is just as good as breastfeeding and I will be doing with our daughter who will be born tomorrow.
I know people who were breastfed for over a year and are dumb as a rock. I remember being told the same about my son if I didn’t breastfeed him. I ignored that and did what was more convenient for me. I pumped for 3 months because I didn’t want a “dumb” kid.. he’s 7 years old and made Honor Roll all year and he’s very good in math. I am formula feeding my 6 week old baby and pray she’s not a “dumb” baby lol.
Fed is best! I’m one month postpartum with my first baby boy & due to a pesky upper lip tie, we had a very difficult start to breastfeeding. While we’re doing much better now, I have to admit I feel like I get more bonding when bottle feeding rather than him on the breast. He is supplemented with formula & it’s the best decision ever! He is still getting all the awesome nutrients and immune benefits from breastmilk (whether on the breast or pumped) and Daddy gets to get involved with the formula.
I’m not sure what the next littles will bring, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be 100% breastfed for any of them.
Thanks for the article!!! Personally I can feel where you are coming from. I will be three months postpartum on the first of May. I did the guilt and anxiety you experienced. It will be moments where I would cry because I was so so sooooo frustrated. My fiancé would be sleeping soundly and I’m up every 1-2 hrs to feed our son. But we’re both nurses and chose to only breastfeed. Still to this day we are continuing to give our son breastmilk whether it’s me breast feeding him or dad giving him a breast fed bottle. However, breast milk does out weigh formula but at the end of the day it’s up to that particular parent and what works best for you y’all. I strongly feel that if formula or breast fed that doesn’t determine a child smartness toward education but how the parents and the school system are teaching the child. One way my fiancé got involved with feeding our son was we both held our son while I breast fed and we both looking into his eyes. But trust me, breast pumping is a job in its self. Having to get up to pump engorged breast, keeping track of breast milk in fridge and freezer, and having to warm to body temp is a lot. And having to protect it from spoiling. For the blog about not producing enough milk, I recommend the lactating cookies by Munchkin sold at Walmart and Target.
It often takes so long for the female body to return to normal after pregnancy, that some women blame things like breastfeeding for why they feel, tired, resentful disconnected etc… Not that these things don’t play a part, but often it is the process of recovery itself, that leaves a woman feeling this way. That’s why doing things like hiring or asking for help with housework, taking a long maternity leave, resting and co-sleeping (safely) are all things that can ease the transition into motherhood. I cried during breastfeeding at first, due to the amount of hormone imbalance in the week after birth. I got postpartum depression after my second child and breastfeeding made me feel nauseous with my forth baby. But, all this is just to say…you learn with each event, each year, each birth. Just because you experienced that the first time, doesn’t mean you will feel that way again. I have breastfeed six children now, and each time it has been unique and a bit different. Fed is best but don’t let fear dictate what you do. You can try again, if you have another child and if you want to. You may find it to be a much different experience from the first.
Although the article was well written, I don’t completely understand the reasons. For me, the number one reason was because of the husband. Our breasts are not here for the sole purpose of men’s pleasure. They have one purpose and one purpose only. I find it silly. All the progress we’ve made over the years and breastfeeding is still seen as taboo. Formula is not an equivalent alternative. I don’t find it fair to only try to breastfeed one child. It’s much more than nutrition, it’s a bond with the baby..but that’s just my opinion.
Thank you so much for sharing your opinion! However, opinions like yours are exactly why I wrote this. I am a little blown away that you think breastfeeding is taboo. I wrote this because I very much feel it is the other way. All we are told when we are pregnant and everything that is put in our face is all about how we MUST breastfeed. It’s rare that doctors talk to us about formula. I think formula feeding is what’s more taboo and I don’t feel it should be. Hopefully, one day, we can all stop judging what the other mom is doing. Fed is best. That’s my opinion. I very much thank you for sharing yours! This post definitely started a conversation. 🙂
I enjoyed reading your article. I am currently breadtfeeding my baby and it is enjoyable. Sometimes it is tough as nails but so is parenting in general. In my opinion formula is like a walker – it is an easier alternative, but I agree that it is each mother own choice. With everyone I have talked to about breastfeeding, the one thing that causes women to stop is lack of knowledge. If you plan to breastfeed DO YOUR RESEARCH! Know the basics BEFORE your baby is born such as nursing often (as in each hour or two) in the first 6 weeks, that your milk is always nutritious enough and that you can only make milk by removing milk. I plan to breastfeed all my children and I commend every mother who does the same. To moms who choose to formula feed – you are still great moms!
Thank you for writing this. My son is 2 months and I ended up exclusively formula feeding after a month of trying to breastfeed. I tried really hard and followed the advice of my lactation consultants, but my supply wasn’t increasing from pumping and nursing every 2-3 hours, it was decreasing. I would pump 15 minutes and get less than half and ounce total. It was so stressful and exhausting. I felt a lot of gilt at first, when I decided to formula feed. However, I know I made the right choice. I was a much happier and less stressed mom once I made that choice. If my efforts did help my
supply to increase, I would have kept breastfeeding, but they didn’t. There is so much judgment around this subject. I wish women would just support each other. No one is less of a mother for formula feeding.
This is still a dilemma I am facing and my baby is 5 months old. I’ve been exclusively pumping for 3 months now and it has been mentally exhausting. I had no doubt I was going to BF when I was pregnant. I knew it’s just what I wanted. My daughter was about 2.5 hours old when I attempted to feed her and she had her mouth wide open before I even got her to my boob. It was fantastic. I was SOOO relieved. She was latching so well and feeding fantastically, I felt like a super mom.
BUT THEN the boobie obsession kicked in about 4 days postpartum. She would constantly want my boob. I know this is very normal with BF newborns because they eat more often and your milk is still coming in in the beginning but my daughter took it to a whole other level. She literally just wanted to sit with my boob in her mouth 24/7. It was to the point that her and I would both be covered in milk cause she would just spit it out, puke all over me, or my boobs were constantly leaking because I was always engorged. After 1 month I decided I wanted to start pumping. Pumping once in a while turned into me exclusively pumping and it’s a love/hate with that decision. It’s A LOTTTTTTTTTT more work exclusively pumping. You have to triple your work while still caring for a baby. You have to bottle feed the baby, pump, store the milk, wash the parts, then head back to bed. It’s actually insanity.
It’s a very tough decision to make. My milk supply has dropped a ridiculous amount in the last month so I’m giving 2 bottles of formula and 2 bottles of breast milk per day. I have made the decision that if my milk supply doesn’t increase by the end of this week I am switching strictly to formula. It’s stressful, tiring, my nipples are dry and cracked. And my daughter seems to enjoy both bottles equally so why stress myself out if I don’t need to.
This is just another insight of someone else’s experience for you to take note. I can’t make a suggestion on which route to go because I’ve done all 3 and it’s honestly such a personal decision to make for your own reasons.
Good luck and I hope everyone’s posts have helped you in some way!
Mother’s milk is the best. No doubt, its totally your choice but just for your own sake of comfort, you are putting your child on formula feed.
May be, as a mother, you should give your child the best you can.
Maybe you can take your hate and judgment elsewhere. Are we not sick of a society where Mother’s are pitted against other mothers? We all love our kids. And we all chose differently. My older kids tell me all the time how I’m “strict” by limiting their Xbox time and their friends parents don’t. Does that mean their friends parents don’t love their kids because surely they’ve seen the same statistics as I have about increased video game time leading to a whole slew of problems. Maybe instead they are serving teenagehood the best way possible and decided that Xbox is way better then drugs. Do I need to shame those parents? Nope. I will I stead focus on my house and how I chose to run things. Now if their kids come and offer my kids drugs, then we have a problem. All of this to say, stay in your lane. You can not begin to imagine what goes on behind the scenes. I am now pregnant with a little girl and made the decision early on to formula feed. I tried with my first and frankly it was awful. It doesn’t feel right. I was sexually assaulted at a young age and frankly the vulnerability I felt breastfeeding left me in tears. I didn’t enjoy it and it was obvious. So in order to be a better mother I should continue to ignore that part of me that says this is wrong and continue on because breast milk is *slightly* better? So because I have money and can put my child I to the best schools and have the best resources, should I shame a poor mom for not providing the same? We as mothers sacrifice and doubt ourselves so much and sometimes I think we put it all on ourselves. But then sometimes I read the posts about how mothers are selfish for not breastfeeding or selfish for wanting to work outside the home and I realize that nope. There really are some women out there who feel the need to dig and berate other women to somehow say they are a superior mother. It’s a shame. I thought this article was beautiful and I agree 100%. I am so happy to feel great with my choice and have such a supportive husband, family and friends.
We all deal with having children in a different way. If a mother chooses to breastfeed her child it is her choice. We have fought so long for people to stop telling us what to do with our bodies that we forgot to have an opinion.
I am a mother of five and all of mine we breastfed but they all stopped at different times. My first child only breastfed for about 2 months, my second until 9 months, my twins until 6 months( and that was my decision because like Meghan said I became someone that I didn’t like because of the demands that I had to keep up with for the sake of my family… mind you that my children were all about 2 years apart.. so I had a 4 yrs old, a 2 year old and now a set of twins… my saving grace is that I never had a c-section.)….. moving forward my now 1 year old still chooses to breastfeed. I tried formula but she refused and so I continue to breastfeed. All and all you have to do what is best for you and your baby… WHATEVER that is. If you are feeding your child but are not in a mental state of love than that is just as dangerous as not caring for your child. “Fed is best” especially because you need to care for you and your child.
Zunaina what a horrible, unnecessary comment. Shame on you.
No it’s not.
Well, not always.
Unless you are a super healthy eater – I mean veggies, fruit, meat, every possible needed vitamin every day getting with food. No coffee in few hours from food – as it stops you from getting calcium, vitamin C and iron. No sugar or medication (not even talking about alkohol, God forbid). Oh and all the veggies and fruits and meat/eggs has to be organic from your garden.
No? So most likely you milk aren’t so nutritious or full of needed vitamins and formula is.
Wonder how long ago all those statistics were done. They should test average woman’s breast milk now. When we all buy cheap stuff from supermarket and due to exausting day might not have time for healthy 3 times meals.
Just statistics from my family. I was breastfed for a long time (2 years I think my mom said). My brother due to health issues when newborn was straight on formula. That was doctor’s decision.
My imune system is shit. Totaly. I get colds 2-3 times every year. Constant skin allergies. Basically – all health issues. My brother on other hand has nothing at all.
My husband and all his siblings were on formula from day one too. Their mother simply made that choise. For her – what’s the difference. They all are such a healthy people. I mean, like I said – I’m always sick. My husband – never.
Moral of all this:
1. Zunaina, you’re mean and judgemental. You have a right to your opinion, but you have no right to call other opinion “selfish”. I have more to say about why you are so sour, but will keep it to myself. Maybe you are simply tired from breastfeeding and simply angry, that other woman pick easier way for their mental sake or other reasons and you are so stuck with your ways, just rather torture yourself and be angry if other’s not. Just a guess.
2. I’m due soon. And will deffo try to breastfeed. Just to try it all and see what suits me best. But I have formula ready plan B too. I’m thinking to feed my baby 50/50. Or whatever will make us happy. And it’s my decision. I mean if breastfeeding angry tired mother is better than happy rested mother on formula, then I have no comments. Me happy = baby happy. Period.
Your comment isn’t any better because most women who breastfeed aren’t following these guidelines so you’re basically shaming me and everyone else who isn’t eating organic and everything else you mentioned. At least there aren’t metal shavings in my milk like there have been found in formula. As far as I’m concerned, my breastmilk is at least just as good (and probably better) than any formula.
But is it the best for the baby if the mother is miserabl? Stress effects the hormones in the milk and the pheromones the mother is releasing.
If mother isn’t happy and healthy then how can the baby be?
I agree with everything you stated. I am a first time mom and was only able to breastfeed my daughter for the first two months. Those two months were hellish for me. My breast were engorged and I’d cry and shriek in pain every single time my daughter latched on. I had really bad post partum and that definitely made it worse. I saw a lactation consultant but i still was unsuccessful. I felt like the world’s worst mother. The nurses and doctors all were so pushy about breastfeeding so that put added pressure on me. It was a truly miserable time that made me question if I should be her mother at all. I pumped for a while so my husband could help feed her but that hurt too so I eventually decided that fed is best and switched to formula and never looked back. I love articles like this because they are realistic. All the mommy shaming I got for giving my daughter a bottle was ridiculous. I totally bonded with my formula fed daughter and now shes a beautiful thriving happy 10 month old.
I hear you! I have breastfed four of my babies so far. I’m due any day now and I am not sure I want to breastfeed again. After I weaned my last son 5 years ago at the age of 2y4m, I felt a dramatic transformation in my mental and emotional health. I didn’t even realized how not myself I had been feeling for years. I’m dreading not feeling myself again for 1-2 years. I’m going to try to breastfeed. I’m going to give it my all but I’m staying open to giving my new baby formula if I feel myself slipping into the same sense of depression and anxiety I felt while nursing my last baby. I still believe breastmilk is superior and the best food for my baby, BUT a happy mom is equally superior and the best for my baby. I do plan to choose a high quality formula and so far Holle looks awesome. Knowing about this formula will help me feel a little better about my decision no matter what I end up choosing. Who knows, maybe I’ll do a little of both.
Thank you! I’m a FTM and my LO is 6 weeks. I’m EBF right now and struggle with it. I also feel guilty because I don’t enjoy it like I should even though I haven’t had any MAJOR problems (just some hiccups here and there). I’m hoping to continue to at least 6 months, but I can’t imagine going through the same thing again with my second child. This helped me feel better about my decision and thinking.
Bf for me has worked out so well! We have not had any issues and personally, I find it easy although time consuming. We are on a tight budget as well and don’t really want formula to fit into that. Since my husband was working and I am not I would have been getting up for all the feedings anyways and for us it is just easy to stick the boob in the mouth. However, what I say is it is working for us for now. If it was to change that it didn’t work we would explore formula of course but at this point we haven’t explored it or needed too.
Hi, I have 2 girls and am pregnant with a boy – our last baby. I can tell you that I will be pumping exclusively with him.
My first two never really latched on, after weeks of pain and bleeding nipples, I gave up and started pumping. Thankfully, I had really good supply and was able to pump for 11 months with my oldest. With my youngest I was tired of the process by the time she turned 7 months. I had even more milk with her, so I had a frozen stash that lasted us a couple more weeks after I stopped pumping.
Why will I pump with this baby then? When I stopped pumping abruptly with my second daughter when she was 7 months, I experienced another bout of postpartum depression, along with guilt. Do NOT believe anyone who tells you they do not have any guilt over switching to formula. I’ve experienced it even after working hard to pump for 11 months with my oldest which was definitely long enough. Still, I felt terrible.
Another thing that happened when I stopped pumping abruptly: my hair fell out almost overnight. I had a very gradual hair transition when I pumped for 11 months. I also gained 10 pounds in a month and it was hard to lose. My hormones went crazy and I got diagnosed with perioral dermatitis/eczema on my face. All of this happened literally within a week of stopping, except for the weight gain.
I don’t know if all of this happens if you don’t breastfeed from the get go, but my experience was awful with stopping too soon. Therefore, I will be pumping with my son for as long as my body makes milk.
I have a one year old. Before he was born I decided I wanted to do both formula and breast feeding, and I’m so glad I did. We both loved nursing, but I never felt like he got enough. It was nice that my husband could feed him once a night and that I didn’t have to worry about having enough milk for him while I was at work.
We had a wonderful lactation consultant at the hospital. One of the first things she asked was what were my goals and plans with feeding and we talked about how to make that work. She never made me feel guilty for not exclusively breastfeeding.
One way to help save money is to sign up for formula coupons. It helped us out a lot!
[…] shares how breastfeeding made her feel resentful and guilty and led her to hate breastfeeding. She disliked breastfeeding so much that when she […]
I just had my 3rd daughter so now I have a 2 year old, 1 year old and 6 week old. I’m breastfeeding her. I have no family or friends so it’s really hard trying to take care of 2 toddlers and have a baby on your breast 24/7, but all the recalls and metal shaving findings in formula lately have me too paranoid to even supplement. My supply isn’t low though so thankfully supplementing isn’t a necessity. I’m just grateful everything is going well so far because I had issues breastfeeding my first two. I had a low supply. I gave my first two as much as I could (which was a decent amount) but I did have to supplement.
Y’all all sound like wonderful moms and while breast milk is best there’s nothing “wrong” about formula feeding. Learn to prop your babies bottle up in case you need to get your 3 yr old onto the potty in time. Don’t think for one single second that your bonding experience will be less because of bottle feeding. I had NO interest in BF. None. In fact I had twins and since they ate at the same time, 1 was held and the other propped up. At the next feeding I swapped and held the one that was propped up the last time. I was able to look both babies in the eyes and smile and talk. My babies got plenty of bonding when they weren’t eating so bonding during feedings wasn’t a thought in my mind. Dr’s, nurses, people, push so hard this feeding/bonding crapola. You are loving and caring for your baby which is more important than boob or bottle choices. Mothering is exhausting enough. Give your child 3 things: Love, Value, & Safety; those are the things he or she takes into adulthood. Nobody ever ended up on a reality show because they weren’t BF.
[…] I should mention here that I decided not to breastfeed my daughter. She began formula right away in the hospital. (If you are interested in why I chose to do this, feel free to check out my post Breastfeeding vs Formula Feeding – Why I’m Choosing to Formula Feed My Second Baby.) […]
I know this post is not new. I recently had my third baby and instantly knew I would breastfeed because I EBF my first two. Well the baby blues hit hard as soon as we got home. I was crying all the time, tired, and breastfeeding was a HUGE burde. Formula kept coming up in my mind and it would make me feel guilty and lead to more crying. My husband actually brought up the idea to formula feed because he was witnessing me suffer from hormones and he could see the guilt. Well it is 3 weeks later and I still havent made the switch.
First I feel overwhelmed on how to transition and I still am struggling with the guilt of being shamed as a mom. I still want to transition because I miss time with my other two boys and I am tired if being tied down to feed for us every hour.
Blogs such as these help me deal with the guilt.
Thank you for sharing and I still have plans to transition my little to formula, soon.
Oh mama! I’m so sorry you feel so much guilt! It can be overwhelming and the amount of pressure to breastfeed is just crazy. I firmly believe we shouldn’t do it if it’s hurting us in other ways. My second daughter that I solely formula fed just turned two last month and is incredibly healthy, we’re bonding more and more as she grows and she’s so smart. I have no regrets about my decision and I hope so much for that guilt to slip away from you. Wishing you all the best with the transition! <3 Meghan
All choices are not equal. Formula feeding should not be a legal choice. Formula should only be available by prescription to people who can’t physically breastfeed. None of the justifications from the self-righteous formula-feeders in these comments are valid; they are self-serving pablum and guilt-reducing rationalisations.
Rowena, I hope you can still sleep at night with all your self-righteous ego in the way of your precious pillow! Shaming and judging people you don’t even know is childish and more “self-serving” than any loving & logical mom choosing to feed her baby in whatever way works best and healthiest for her FAMILY. Yikes lady!
Hi! I know this post is older, but I stumbled upon it while looking some stuff up. I’m currently pregnant with my second and EVERY thing you just said is exactly how I felt about my first son! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I’m curious if you nursed at all the first couple days in the hospital? Or just went straight to formula? Also, any info or tips on how your body reacts when you choose not to breastfeed? I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m just curious if your milk still comes in and if you need to do anything to ease that? Haha hope that makes sense! Thanks!
Hi Bailey! Thank you so much for everything you said! I am so glad you found this helpful. I actually didn’t nurse at all. I made sure my doctors and nurses knew that I was only formula feeding. I was nervous they wouldn’t have formula so I did bring my own. However, it turned out that wasn’t unnecessary. They had plenty and provided me with all the formula I needed, even some to take home. I had just heard horror stories about doctors and nurses aggressively pushing people to breastfeed so I came prepared with my own stuff lol. It just made me feel better but there really was no need! And your body will still make milk. I will be really honest that it got painful. My breasts did become engorged but I just kept a sports bra on and tried not to let anything touch them, including warm water because that can make the milk start to come. I’m actually working on a post now about how I managed that! I’ll try to finish that ASAP. I hope you have a smooth and safe delivery! <3 Meghan | Electric Mommy
I don’t think your a bad mom at all. I think its all personal opinion and its what you think is best for your baby, your family and you. I breastfed my first daughter for a while(7 years ago) and she was lactose intolerate. She was drinking a little bit at a time and she usually spit it up. But how was i supposed to know I was pretty much starving her? So i felt like crap for pretty much starving my daughter. So when i found out i was pretty almost 8 months ago, i straight out said, “I’m not breastfeeding this one.” Im not taking the chance of starving this one to.
With my first kid, I was a single mom( and I mean my mom helped me all the time) but this time I have a husband who wants to help me as much as possible and my daughter can’t wait to help. So i completely agree that its a big help to formula feed over breastfeeding cause my family can feed her to. Not only me. All your reasonings for choosing to formula feed over breastfeed are good/smart reasons.
Thank you for saying what sooo many of us feel! Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, emotionally and physically!
[…] Here, I’ll share with you my personal story about what happened to the milk and my body after my second daughter was born, when I didn’t breastfeed at all. (If you want to read more about my choice to only formula feed her, you can check that out here.) […]
I stumbled across your article as im currently breastfeeding my second and REALLY struggling with it despite having breastfed my first for 11 months. Im in a constant debate with myself whether to stop BF and move to formula feeding. Reading your article has made me feel less alone… just because i BF my first should not dictate that i must BF my second.
Still battling with what i should do but good to know others have had the same debate.
I’m sorry you’re struggling! You’re definitely not alone. I’m glad this post could help remind you of that. Wishing you all the best, no matter what decision you choose.